Blow Outs & A Break Up

Today we're back talking from our cozy corners at home where we spill the tea on life, love, and all the quirky adventures in between. 

Today, we're talking about the importance of expressing anger and setting boundaries in relationships. We share personal experiences of breaking up and the need to prioritize self-worth and emphasize the importance of being authentic and not dimming one's light for others.

We’re here for all of it, and we’re excited that you are too

Disclaimer: We can’t promise to stay on topic

Takeaways:

• Expressing anger and setting boundaries is crucial in relationships.
• Prioritize self-worth and don't settle for less than you deserve.
• Be authentic and shine bright, without dimming your light for others.
• Deep connections require vulnerability and open communication. Show up authentically and fully express yourself.
• Embrace imperfection and get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
• Trust that you are right where you need to be.
• Date yourself and don't wait for someone else to fulfill your desires.
• Be with someone who likes and appreciates you for who you are.

Chapters:

01:36 Breaking Up
07:16 Saying Everything
09:23 Self-Worth and Relationships
12:17 Being Yourself
14:26 Being Enough
16:15 Deep Connection
25:31 Shining Bright
26:49 Showing up Authentically
27:21 Being Fully Expressed
28:23 Getting Comfortable with the Uncomfortable
29:28 Trusting Perfect Timing
30:03 Embracing Imperfection
30:59 Speaking Your Truth
32:05 Dating Yourself
34:20 Choosing Partners Who Lift You Up
36:06 Being with Someone Who Likes You
37:03 Closing the Loop and Moving Forward
38:45 Dating Yourself Again
40:12 No More Waiting
41:33 Being with Someone Who Doesn't Think You're Too Much
44:45 Feeding Your Heart Full
46:25 Learning to Style Your Hair
49:49 Sharing Tea with Hairdressers

Links and resources:

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Watch our episodes on YouTube: Please Open My Door
For more info about us, check out our website

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Send us a DM @Pleaseopenmydoor and we'll give our 2 cents in an upcoming episode!

We are refreshing POMD, We'd love your input, fill out a quick 3 min survey here.
Follow POMD on Instagram: @pleaseopenmydoor
Find us on TikTok: @pleaseopenmydoor
Watch our episodes on YouTube: Please Open My Door
For more info about us, check out our website

Have an idea for a podcast? Have a burning question that needs to be answered?
Send us a DM @Pleaseopenmydoor and we'll give our 2 cents in an upcoming episode!

Transcript

andrea (00:01.762)
You didn't clap. Yes, yes.

Johanne Walker (00:02.998)
Okay, bye, see ya.

andrea (00:09.032)
We're back. That was a rough 25 minutes or so figuring out technical details, eh? I was starting to sweat a little bit over here and being like, I don't know what to do. I'm a self-proclaimed tech goddess and I don't know how to help you here because you can hear me, I can't hear you, but I get to see you.

Johanne Walker (00:16.384)
Oh, we had some technical difficulties.

Johanne Walker (00:32.002)
Cuz...

Johanne Walker (00:38.334)
And I am no proclaimed tech goddess over here. I have none, but I do all right, you know? I'm doing all right.

andrea (00:43.873)
You do, you know what? You do much better than all right. You know that, right? You get by very, very well. And you have absolutely no issue asking for support when you need it. Like, how do I do this?

Johanne Walker (00:49.418)
Yes, I do.

Johanne Walker (00:58.223)
Yes.

At least you're kind with me. When I'm asking my kids for support, they're always like, ugh. Like, help a woman out.

andrea (01:05.976)
Oh, yeah. It was like that whenever it was, it was like that whenever I would ask my brother for help to be like, seriously, did you turn it off and turn it back on again? It's like, yeah, dickwad, I did do that. Thank you very much. I'm not an idiot over here. Come on. Like, I know kind of what I'm doing, but not really at the same time. Right. Seriously. Oh.

Johanne Walker (01:16.087)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (01:19.346)
Yeah. Not an idiot.

Johanne Walker (01:29.302)
Don't mansplain things to me. Yeah, yeah.

andrea (01:36.568)
So I've had a bit of a morning. I have, and yeah, I've had a bit of a morning.

Johanne Walker (01:41.015)
You have.

Johanne Walker (01:49.142)
Well, I'll tell you, you're looking pretty damn great this afternoon.

andrea (01:52.96)
Thank you. It was a pretty good morning. And you know what, Johanne? It was I burnt the house down.

Johanne Walker (02:00.926)
Love that for you.

andrea (02:02.088)
I know, can we have marshmallows later? I totally burnt the house down. And I feel like this is the first time that I've actually fully burnt the house down like full stop without making excuses or without...

Johanne Walker (02:07.278)
I'm just gonna...

andrea (02:18.94)
making it mean anything about me and my self worth. That I just said, so long story. Do you want the tea? You want the tea? Everybody wants the tea. So I broke up with my boyfriend this morning. So not last week, but the week before we had an episode about feminine rage and perimenopause.

Johanne Walker (02:23.934)
Mmmm

Give us, give us, yeah, no, let's just take it from the beginning. I want the tea. Everybody wants the tea.

Johanne Walker (02:36.874)
Yeah, you did.

andrea (02:45.808)
and I was going through something with him then and we had a conversation and I kinda got triggered and got into it. And when I got into it with him then, I didn't really allow my anger and my rage to come through. I was very cold, I was very distant, which is what I do to protect myself.

Johanne Walker (02:45.846)
Hehehe

Johanne Walker (03:05.492)
Yeah.

andrea (03:13.12)
and we had a conversation and then we took some space and we came back this morning to talk about it even though it was supposed to be like two days today's yeah it was supposed to be like two days ago we were originally supposed to talk but you know life gets busy people phone screen and not pick up and you know what i'm in the place where i'm not going to make myself so readily available to you

Johanne Walker (03:18.626)
Whooh! K-

andrea (03:41.948)
if you're not willing to make yourself so readily available to me. Because I have a busy and full life. So I'm not willing to just bend myself to when you are available. So we were able to talk this morning, which was great. And I was able to really just I'm mad. And I told him that I said, I'm mad at you.

And I don't even know if I can have a conversation with you right now because I'm mad at you. I'm really mad. And I just...

Johanne Walker (04:18.09)
Like how mad on a scale of one to 10, one being not mad and 10 being pissed, where, yeah. What's your number though? Give me a number.

andrea (04:21.185)
Like

andrea (04:25.776)
Oh, I was pissed. I was pissed. I was so pissed. Um, like 13.

Johanne Walker (04:32.583)
Oh, I love that for you.

andrea (04:33.96)
Right, because like as we were talking, because you know when you get mad and you start talking, it's like the hairs on your arm come up and like my scalp gets a little prickly and I can feel it in my body. And I got mad. I'm still, to be honest, I'm still mad because how dare he do this to me? How dare he treat me this way? How dare he make excuses? How dare he that he tells me I'm too strong? I come on too strong and it scared him.

Johanne Walker (05:02.754)
Hehe.

andrea (05:05.292)
How dare he say that? Because he told me how much he loves how strong I am. It inspires him. You're a very strong woman. You call me out on my shit. I love that about you.

Seriously, so I got mad I got really mad and I one thing that you've taught me Johanne is that say everything Don't hold back say Say it all Because you don't you don't want to think back and say like oh I held back here and I should have said more here and I didn't so I Made some point form notes, so I wouldn't forget anything in the heat of the moment and I said it all

Johanne Walker (05:28.378)
Yeah, I'm all about that. Get it out!

Johanne Walker (05:46.454)
You're so organized.

andrea (05:48.04)
Well, I didn't want to, I didn't want to get, I didn't want to get distracted by what he was, because I knew he was gonna say something. It's conversation, right? I knew there were gonna be excuses. I knew he was gonna say something. So I wanted those notes, those point form notes, so I could stay on topic and on track and not get distracted, right? Not have a squirrel moment, or like empathize with where he's at, and then put him.

Johanne Walker (05:58.187)
Oh yeah!

andrea (06:16.712)
and his needs and his feelings and his wants above my own. Cause I'm very empathetic to where he's at. I'm very empathetic. Like he has a lot of stuff going on. And I see, and like through that, it's like I see myself in him going through things. I see that. But if he's not, and he's not willing to look at himself and he's not willing to rise to the occasion.

Johanne Walker (06:27.03)
Yeah, cause he has a lot of stuff going on.

Johanne Walker (06:46.67)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (06:46.752)
So I'm out, like I can't do this. I'm not here to convince you that I'm worthy of this, that I'm amazing, that I'm awesome. I'm not here to do that. If you can't see that, that's a you problem, not a me problem. So we ended things and I said everything that I needed to say.

Johanne Walker (06:55.69)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (07:00.802)
Good for you!

Johanne Walker (07:06.486)
Say what you need to say.

andrea (07:08.82)
And it was a lot, it was a lot, and I let it all out on the table, and we're done.

Johanne Walker (07:14.754)
Good for you.

andrea (07:16.076)
And it's, and I said this to you earlier, it's different from saying that you're gonna do the thing. Say what you need to say, you do the thing, and then you do the thing, and then afterwards, it's those thoughts after you do the thing, it's like, did I say too much? Was this the right thing to say? Could I have said something different? And it's like, well, no, because this is my truth, this is my, these are my feelings.

Johanne Walker (07:33.089)
Yeah.

andrea (07:45.728)
This is what I'm looking for, this is what I want, and you can't give me what I want. So why would I even entertain the thought of keeping you around?

Johanne Walker (07:58.786)
Say that again. Why would I even?

andrea (08:01.)
I can't remember. Why would I even entertain the thought of keeping you around? And I said, like, I love the flow that we have together. I love our conversations. I love that it's so easy and effortless. I love waffling with you. And I love just winging it and going, like, just deciding, hey, let's drive here on a Saturday afternoon. And...

Johanne Walker (08:07.758)
Exactly.

andrea (08:30.288)
see what happens and I love that. But I also need a lot more than that. I need to be with someone who doesn't wig out when I say let's make plans.

Johanne Walker (08:42.51)
I don't even think that was the issue though. I think that, you know, like after sharing everything that we share, I just feel like.

andrea (08:44.95)
Mmm.

Johanne Walker (08:55.198)
He was making plans at the very beginning. He had all the ideas and he was involved very much. Listen, I liked him a lot. I thought he was a nice guy. I did think that he wasn't what you, there was a lot more to him, as there is a lot more to everybody. We're not this one level surfacey. It's like we've lived lives, but you have to be able to be in a relationship.

andrea (09:04.641)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (09:11.656)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Johanne Walker (09:23.946)
with someone, whether it's a friendship, a lover, a business partner where you actually have to talk about things and the uncomfortable things. And as you're finding yourself, Andrea, he's also finding himself, but I feel like there's some times there's that shadow side of ourselves that some people don't wanna take a look at. And...

andrea (09:34.861)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (09:51.138)
We know how uncomfortable it is to look at ourselves where we're not acing at life, you know, or it's a challenge for us. But it's like, you know, you got to trust that you're worth the work. Right? You have to trust yourself that your feelings matter. How you think matters. Because the minute someone says, it doesn't matter how you feel.

andrea (09:56.928)
Yeah.

andrea (10:02.104)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (10:18.534)
or I don't have time for you right now, or you're too much, or you're too big, it's like, fuck you.

andrea (10:28.032)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (10:29.754)
Really? What does that mean? You know what? It all stems down is that he knew you were going to leave him because he wasn't enough. The self-worth issue is not on your side. It was on his side.

andrea (10:47.936)
It was. And I told him, I'm like, you know what, just for the record, the only person here who didn't think you were enough was you and is you. So I can't compete with that. I can't tell you that you're worth it. You've already told me you're not worth it. So I'm going to believe you.

Johanne Walker (10:57.228)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (11:06.207)
Exactly.

Exactly. And then it's just like how much effort it goes into convincing people that it's worth it. You know, you don't want to work with people that don't want to be there. Right? You know what it's like, we all go to the office and we're with someone, you can tell when someone wants to be there and when they don't want to be there. The last thing you want in a mate, in any sort of capacity,

andrea (11:30.261)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (11:36.598)
is someone that you have to convince to be there, convinced to be nice, convinced to share, convinced to be available, or convinced to like your family.

andrea (11:42.7)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (11:47.264)
Yep, or is only available on Saturdays between 11am and 11pm. It doesn't work like that.

Johanne Walker (11:53.802)
Yeah. No. And it's like, it's, and, and if that is works for you, then that's great. But there's something that I've been telling you for a long time is that no one can read your mind. No one can read your mind, Andrea. So you have to say what you need to say, because I want to hear what you have to say.

andrea (12:03.213)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (12:17.174)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (12:22.03)
And also remember that I'm listening to what you're saying. Right? Because you can say what you need to say. And if the other person is not willing to listen, then, you know, that's going into the ether and it's not there. So it's not like who cares? It's like you have to decide for yourself what it is that you want. No one else can decide that for you.

andrea (12:27.379)
Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.

andrea (12:40.629)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (12:51.867)
No one else can say.

You're worth the work, except you. You're worth the time, right? I know you're worth the time. That's why we're partners. That's why I care. That's why I'm here for you. But it's like, when you automatically say to someone, hey, like what's going on over there? I felt you pull back. And they're like, well, of course I pulled back because you know.

andrea (13:05.96)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (13:25.738)
You know, I just knew this wasn't going to work out. Well, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Right? It's like being with someone that says, oh, I can't be with you because you're just too much. I feel like we're gonna eventually break up. Well, you know what? Like really? Like, you know, I'm actually really into you and I really like these aspects of you. It's like, but if you think we're gonna break up, then we're probably gonna break up.

andrea (13:31.84)
Yeah.

andrea (13:53.292)
We're gonna break up. Yeah.

Johanne Walker (13:55.562)
because they're going to make it that we break up. Right? So it's like, do not convince anyone, everyone listening to this podcast right now, it's like, do not convince anybody to stay. Do not convince anybody that you're enough. Do not, it's not your responsibility. It's their responsibility to want to meet you halfway.

andrea (14:10.569)
No.

andrea (14:24.065)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Johanne Walker (14:26.466)
Cause you're already there.

And it's not a holier than now aspect where you feel like you're coming in thinking, I have life all figured out. I don't have life figured out, but I do know that I show up every day for myself and my relationships. Am I wrong? Absolutely. Am I right? Absolutely. You know, I don't know everything, but I am willing to learn and I am willing to listen and I'm willing to show up. And.

andrea (14:53.165)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (14:57.756)
It's, I want something real. I don't want something perfect. I want something real. And that means like having vulnerable and open conversations. That means getting messy. That means conflict. That also means making up after that conflict too. But it's like, I want it all with someone.

Not just... Yeah. I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to do this.

Johanne Walker (15:19.146)
Well, you want connection. You're looking for deep connection with someone. And at this point in your life, why would you even consider the possibility of entertaining anyone that didn't meet you there, that wasn't willing to be on the playing field with you, playing in life? You're not sitting in the band shell

andrea (15:24.971)
Yeah.

andrea (15:46.678)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (15:48.842)
or sitting in the stands watching your life happen. You're on the field playing, being playful.

andrea (15:53.908)
Yeah, yeah. Because if this is it, I want to experience it all. And I want to, yeah, I want to be on the field. I don't want to be sitting on the sidelines watching because time is going to pass. That is what we do know, right? Time will continue to pass whether you're on the playing field or whether you're on the sidelines. So I want to be on the playing field here.

Johanne Walker (16:15.422)
Yeah. Good for you. It good for you. And you know, and I really feel like it's, it's something that I always say is there's lots of men. There's lots of men. There's lots of people out there. And it's like, we don't have this manual of like, when we're supposed to find someone and when is the ideal time to find your person. It's like

andrea (16:17.262)
because time's gonna pass no matter what.

andrea (16:27.776)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (16:40.93)
But if we don't try out different people, then we actually don't know what our person is like.

Johanne Walker (16:49.886)
And it's like you have one kick at the can here at life. So I'm really proud of you. And I say good for you. Good for you for saying how you feel. Good for you for calling him out and going, hey, I noticed that you've kind of backed off a little bit.

andrea (16:49.953)
Yeah.

andrea (16:56.076)
Thank you.

Johanne Walker (17:10.898)
And he backed off a little bit because you're so awesome. And he didn't know what to do with that because his self-worth couldn't put him on the playing field with you.

Johanne Walker (17:27.594)
So it's like you can't sit on the playing field waiting for someone who's sitting in the seats going, hey, can you come down here? Can you come down here and throw and kick the ball with me? Can you come down here? Look at, I'm looking so cute today. You know, I feel good. I'm a great woman. It's like, fuck that. It's like, they should be running down there. They'd be on the field waiting for you because you're on the field waiting for them.

andrea (17:27.823)
Hmmm

andrea (17:50.507)
Yep.

andrea (17:54.26)
Yep. Yeah.

Johanne Walker (17:57.342)
And I will say this, and I think it was my mom's best friend, Mrs. T, who passed away when I was 18 years old. I loved her. She was my second mom, but I loved her so much. And I remember I said to her, don't leave me. Don't leave me. What am I supposed to do without you? I don't even know you're going to leave me to everybody else in my family. Forget it.

andrea (18:07.692)
Wasn't she like a second mom to you?

andrea (18:25.996)
Uhhhhhh

Johanne Walker (18:27.21)
But it truly gets me. And she said to me time and time again when I was a young girl, the boy needs to love the girl more than the girl needs to love the boy for it to work.

andrea (18:29.33)
Uh huh.

andrea (18:40.973)
Umm... Uh-huh.

Johanne Walker (18:43.934)
And I'll never forget that. And I was so young and I didn't understand it, but I understand it now. And I've said that to my daughters and I've said it to everyone that I've coached with over the years. It's like, yeah, he needs to be into you way more than you need to be into him.

andrea (18:51.691)
Yeah.

andrea (19:00.461)
Well, you've said it to me. Yeah.

andrea (19:08.896)
And he was for a time. And then he took himself out.

Johanne Walker (19:11.682)
I'm yeah, because it felt too good. But it's not your responsibility to convince someone to play with you. But the good part is, is that you got to play for awhile. You got to play for awhile. And now you have a certain expectation. And I feel like this is something that I will say here is that it's very common.

andrea (19:21.687)
No.

andrea (19:26.69)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (19:40.494)
people that have been out of a relationship for a long time, that they meet someone and they're so desperate to meet someone, that they compromise a lot of themselves to stay in something that clearly is not working.

andrea (19:50.407)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (19:54.14)
Oh yeah, like I do that. It's like, I just want to be in a relationship. I just want to be loved. And I have so much love to give that I just want to give it. So I will not cut corners, but I won't.

I'll just, I'll commit to... Yeah, like...

Johanne Walker (20:10.326)
Well, I said that to you. What are you doing, Andrea? Like, hello, like what's going on over there? You know, and I will say this, this is what I knew.

that we had to have a real friend to friend moment. Is that when I said to you, you know, we had a huge event and you said, you know, I just, I said, so what are you gonna wear and how's it gonna be and what's going on with you? Like, how are you gonna, like, what's your deal? And you said, I don't know. I don't know what everybody else is gonna wear. We're the event planners. Like, I don't want to wear something too flashy.

andrea (20:37.616)
Oh, this is really impactful for me.

Johanne Walker (20:51.326)
or be too, look too good because I don't want to take the attention away from the hostess of the party.

andrea (20:58.388)
Yeah, because when I'm fully expressed and I'm fully myself, I attract a lot of attention. And it wasn't my party. And so I didn't wanna take it away from the person of honour, like the birthday girl.

Johanne Walker (21:05.803)
Yes, you do.

It wasn't your party.

Johanne Walker (21:19.062)
I agree, but I don't think, first of all, I'll tell you what I said, as I said, Andrea, I want you to walk into every single room and shine bright like a diamond. You never have to dim your light and make yourself less than to be in any room.

andrea (21:42.616)
Hmm.

Johanne Walker (21:43.946)
It doesn't matter if we're the event planners. It's not about standing out and saying, look at me, look at me with a beacon and being the loudest woman in the room or wearing something that grows. It's about this internal glow and self assurance and this confidence that you have, that we all have access to of just being comfortable in your own skin.

andrea (22:09.048)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (22:13.494)
And it doesn't matter what room you walk into. Don't let anyone dim your light. But the problem was that you were dimming your own light. And I said to you, where in your life, how long ago is your first memory? Go back through your life. I don't know your life. You know your life. When someone told you, and it was probably either someone that you held in high regard, it's either a...

andrea (22:20.012)
Mm-hmm.

Oh yeah.

andrea (22:35.352)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (22:42.702)
parent, probably not a sibling because you don't hold siblings as kids in high regard. You just don't. Doesn't matter. Unless they're like way older and you see them in a, you know, like a role model way. But I know that in your case, that's not the case. So it was like somewhere, someone in your life said something to you. And then we talked it back.

andrea (22:56.329)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (23:08.342)
And you realized, we went through a couple, but you realized it was someone in your young childhood, you were like four or five or something.

andrea (23:16.253)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Johanne Walker (23:20.547)
And what did they say to you?

andrea (23:25.376)
Well, it's like you're too much.

Johanne Walker (23:29.12)
Yes.

andrea (23:31.189)
Right.

Johanne Walker (23:32.014)
Could you go over there and be a little?

andrea (23:34.372)
Yeah, it's too much. Doing a dance party in the front window, that's too much. Right? Like, you doing a dance in the window in your ballet costume in the middle of winter, that's too much. You wanting me to film you dancing on the fireplace mantle, like I'll do it, but this is a one and done thing, because that's too much.

Johanne Walker (23:39.645)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (23:49.55)
Mm.

andrea (24:03.036)
We failed you because we didn't teach you how to just accept the way things are. We didn't accept that you didn't accept just to be average. You like nice things. We failed you because we didn't teach you to just like make do with what you have. And like there's nothing wrong with like repurposing things. I'm not saying that anyway at all. But if I want something that's maybe a little bit nicer, nicer quality, you're like, yeah, I'm going to say for it and get it because I like nice things.

So it's been a practice of taking any sort of guilt and shame away from liking nice things. And when we talked on, we talked right before the event, like the day before the event, we sat down when for like an hour, a couple, maybe a couple hours, I don't know, we just talked it out and it needed to happen. And it was extremely impactful when you said, I want you to walk in every room and just be you and shine and be as bright as you can be. Because no one.

Johanne Walker (24:49.344)
Uh-huh.

andrea (25:03.984)
no one's here to dim your light anymore. Just be you and know that is who you are meant to be. There's no more censoring yourself or dimming your light for anybody. And no, honestly, Johanne, no one's ever said that to me before. No one's ever given me permission. And not that I needed permission, but I did need permission at the same time because I've always held back.

Johanne Walker (25:31.35)
Yeah, we all do. Yeah.

andrea (25:31.58)
walking into rooms. I've always held back profoundly so. And I'll do that in relationships, romantic relationships and non-romantic relationships. I'll do that. Like it's like everywhere you go, there you are. Right? So it's like, oh, here and here and here and here and here and here. And it's like, okay. So.

Johanne Walker (25:47.595)
Yeah.

andrea (25:56.452)
We're gonna try, I'm trying on not doing that. I'm trying on just walking into the room, being my full self. And I remember at the event going down into the basement to get changed to put my costume on, or my outfit on. I don't wanna say costume because the wig was the costume, the jumpsuit came out of my regular collection cause I had it. And going downstairs and going to the bathroom and putting it on. And I remember I was standing in the bathroom.

I had my jumpsuit hanging on the bathroom wall, back of the bathroom door on the hook, and I looked at it, I'm like, I purposely didn't bring a backup outfit, so I couldn't take myself off the hook. Because I, this was at the event on Saturday, 42. 42?

Johanne Walker (26:39.298)
How old were you?

Johanne Walker (26:44.692)
Oh!

Johanne Walker (26:49.501)
God you look good

andrea (26:49.653)
I love you. How old are you? 42.

Johanne Walker (26:52.846)
I thought you were talking about something. Sorry, sorry. Squirrel.

andrea (26:55.116)
No, but thank you. I was downstairs getting ready and I purposely didn't bring a backup outfit because there's no backing out now. Like this is it. This is what I'm wearing and you know, like this is it. There's no excuses. I'm just showing up fully as me. And it's gonna be great and I was scared and I remember getting changed and putting everything on. I'm like, okay, I can do this. Like I look good, I feel good. Okay, let's do this.

Johanne Walker (27:11.458)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (27:21.266)
Okay, well, you have to tell everyone, you had the most incredible pink jumpsuit on that had like, it was just stunning. It was tight, big wide legs. And you had like a two foot blonde Afro. It looked so perfect because it was a 70s inspired party.

andrea (27:27.179)
Yeah.

andrea (27:35.056)
Afro. I loved it.

Yeah, it was so good and I was so, I was so nervous because it's like, I'm showing up fully as me and what if nobody likes me? What if I don't get accepted? What if I do take too much away from the birthday girl? And I said, okay, no, that's not gonna happen. Have faith in yourself, Andrea, that you're showing up authentically as you. And when you show up authentically as you, you get permission for everybody else to show up exactly as they are.

Johanne Walker (28:09.492)
Yeah.

andrea (28:12.124)
This is you. So own it. And I remember like walking up the stairs from the basement and going up and I'm like, okay, I'm here and this is it. And like, yeah, and this is it. And I'm here and I love this jumpsuit. I love my wig. I love everything that I have going on and I'm just gonna work it. And that's.

Johanne Walker (28:14.22)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (28:23.658)
Yeah. Don't fidget. Hold still.

Johanne Walker (28:34.762)
Yeah, you looked phenomenal.

andrea (28:41.208)
it and I'm just gonna work it and have fun.

Johanne Walker (28:44.874)
Oh my god, Andrew, you look so good.

andrea (28:46.952)
And I'm not gonna be the poised person in the corner, just like, kind of like, it's like, I wanna be on the playing field, I wanna be here. I don't wanna take myself back and be on the sidelines, like I wanna be right here. So I'm gonna try on being right here and see how it feels. And it was fucking amazing. And I had so much fun.

Johanne Walker (29:06.467)
And how did it feel?

Johanne Walker (29:14.922)
Yes you did. It was great.

andrea (29:16.156)
And my experience is when I'm truly myself and I'm truly expressed and I'm just, it's like I'm starting to see people exactly as they are.

Johanne Walker (29:26.562)
Yeah.

andrea (29:28.052)
And it's like, we're all just here for the experience. That's it.

Johanne Walker (29:30.846)
Yeah. Yes.

andrea (29:34.132)
And it was really, really powerful for me. And so now I'm like, okay, so how can I continue to just show up? Can I commit to every single morning, waking up and saying, okay, it's gonna be a great day, and I'm gonna show up fully as me because I know that I'm worth it, and I know that I'm worthy, and I know what I have to say is powerful, and maybe it's wrong, and maybe it's right, but screw that, I'm gonna say it anyway, because this...

Johanne Walker (29:38.503)
Mmm, I love that.

Johanne Walker (30:00.718)
Exactly. Say it anyways.

andrea (30:03.096)
Because this is just who I am. So when it came to having this conversation with this guy this morning, I was like, okay, I'm gonna, like, this is me. This is what I want. This is what I'm about. This is how your actions have made me feel. And then you know what? I freaked out too.

Johanne Walker (30:17.09)
Say it all.

Burn the house down.

andrea (30:31.976)
And I was triggered, I freaked out, but my commitment to seeing this through and seeing that you gave me pause that I could find almost everything that I wanted in you. So I decided that my curiosity was more important than my fear.

Johanne Walker (30:54.868)
Oooo

andrea (30:57.228)
So I kept going.

Johanne Walker (30:59.286)
Yeah, I love that. I love that. And it's all about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable, right?

andrea (31:02.242)
UUURGH!

andrea (31:08.748)
Well, like you say, it's like flexing that muscle. I'm starting to flex that muscle. So I'm in a learning curve and it's gonna be messy and it's not perfect, but it doesn't matter because there's no manual. The only person who says it needs to be perfect was me. So it's like, okay, there's no manual. It's gonna be messy and I want someone to get messy with me.

Johanne Walker (31:11.979)
And the more you flex it,

Johanne Walker (31:22.542)
Who cares? No!

Johanne Walker (31:30.606)
Exactly.

andrea (31:37.5)
in the good kind of way too, right? Like, right? So I'm just gonna continue to show up fully as me. And yeah, I'm gonna be triggered. And yeah, it's gonna be messy. And sometimes I might find myself back on the sidelines and call myself out or have you call me out or something like that. Cause it's not gonna be like, okay, I'm here, I made it. That's it, it doesn't stop there. Like, check.

Johanne Walker (31:39.517)
Yeah, you do.

Johanne Walker (32:01.946)
Yeah, it happens when you're dead.

andrea (32:05.04)
Okay, I'm fully expressed now. Checkbox, let's keep going. It doesn't work that way, right? Got the lesson, thank you God, goddess, universe, great spirit. Whew, I made it and I'm only 42. Is this what enlightenment is? Damn, I'm just like the Buddha over here, right?

Johanne Walker (32:13.302)
Yeah, clean sailing now.

Johanne Walker (32:25.162)
And you know what, it's like, I don't know if you remember when we were chatting, whatever day that was, and I said to you, what would it look like if you, you know, we have all these expectations for our life and where we're supposed to be and how we show up. And I said, what would it look like for you if you were right on time with your emotions? That you didn't have, like, you should have known this before or.

I didn't, you know, why am I always so slow to learn? Why don't I choose myself first? Why is it that I always choose guys that aren't available to me? Why is it that I do this and why is it that I do that? And I said to you, and I said, what would it look like to you if you actually stopped saying all of those things? And you just said, it's perfect timing. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, exactly when I'm supposed to be there.

andrea (33:02.15)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (33:16.651)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (33:22.31)
Uh-huh.

Johanne Walker (33:22.346)
so that it takes the pressure off of you rather than being perfect or behind or coming up like you're less than and that you were just there right on time. It's the perfect timing. And that is the power of your 40s. That is something that we grow into, right? It's like, it's just, it's an evolved state of consciousness when you work on yourself and you...

andrea (33:31.564)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (33:51.906)
take yourself seriously and you trust the process and you trust yourself enough to keep embracing who you are and who you are not and getting to know yourself better that you just start to evolve because when you play with the universe, the universe plays with you back. That's it. So trust that you're just right on time.

andrea (34:02.514)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (34:13.237)
Yeah.

Yeah.

Johanne Walker (34:20.333)
that you don't have to be like in a serious relationship. You don't have to settle. You don't have to do anything you don't wanna do. You don't wanna be with anybody that doesn't make you feel amazing because partnerships are supposed to meet you and higher you up, take you up.

andrea (34:33.205)
Yeah.

andrea (34:40.96)
Yeah, because it's like when you meet that guy or whomever, you don't meet the perfect guy. And you're not, there is no, well, like perfect guy for you or whatnot. It's like you evolve together, right? So, but, and, right.

Johanne Walker (34:49.71)
There is no perfect person.

Johanne Walker (34:54.207)
Yeah.

Yes.

Johanne Walker (34:59.958)
Because you're both on the field together. Like if Dan gave up on me, we wouldn't be together. If I gave up on him, we wouldn't be together. But we choose to be together in the playing field every day. Even when he throws, and he throws a great football, even when he throws a great pass, I'm like flailing probably and I, you know, I'm not the best catcher. And then he's like, why do you always close your eyes?

andrea (35:05.802)
Yeah.

andrea (35:22.324)
Okay, okay, I got it, I got it.

andrea (35:28.728)
It's like, you fumbled the ball.

Johanne Walker (35:29.154)
How are you supposed to catch the ball, Johanne?

Johanne Walker (35:35.822)
I'm like, I know I'm really working hard at that. Right? And it's like being playful with each other. And remember that all the things that we find that are absolutely cute and adorable about ourselves, it's like trust, trust yourself enough that you're just like in it. And it's just like, and you're worth the work. And I congratulations for yourself.

andrea (35:37.952)
laughs

andrea (35:44.328)
Yep.

andrea (36:02.261)
Yeah.

andrea (36:05.473)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (36:06.482)
for trusting yourself and knowing that you could tell that he was pulling back, because he was getting too close, and that you didn't fall into his little path where he was trying to blame it on you, that you were too much. Like, what a coward.

andrea (36:16.328)
Yeah. You came on too strong and I got scared.

Johanne Walker (36:20.99)
You came out too strong. Yeah, that's such a, you know, it wasn't like, you know what, I just don't think I'm ready for a relationship. I really wanted to, but I realize I can't right now. Right?

Johanne Walker (36:39.438)
So, and that's a lesson for all of us, right? To like really like slow down and have people in your life that meet you where you are. And I really commend you, like the courageous approach that you took. And I'm like, set it on fire and just see what's left.

andrea (37:03.56)
Well, last night, you're like, wait till the end of the week, make him wait a little bit. And I was like, no. At first, I was like, OK. I'm like, no, I've already wasted too much time and energy here. I need to I need to burn the house. I need to rip the bandaid off. We need to have this conversation so I can move forward with my life. Like, I don't I don't want to be here in this headspace. I don't want to have open loops. Right. I just need to close this loop here.

Johanne Walker (37:15.4)
I loved God.

Johanne Walker (37:31.309)
Yeah.

andrea (37:31.368)
I need to have this conversation, say everything that I need. And it was like I need to hold on to that rage too, because if I, I'd lose it. Or it would get diluted.

Johanne Walker (37:42.114)
giving yourself permission to be mad. Yeah, it's not good enough. Yeah.

andrea (37:44.91)
Or, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, so it's exciting. And I think, thank you, thank you, thank you. And where I'm at right now is that I'm really excited not to date anyone for a while. No, scratch that. The only person I wanna be dating right now is myself. That's the only person I wanna date. That's the only person that I wanna take out for dinner. Well, other than you and Dan, of course, right? But like, you know.

Johanne Walker (37:51.534)
Whew! Hang on.

Johanne Walker (38:07.086)
I love that for you.

Johanne Walker (38:16.104)
We're going out for dinner tonight.

andrea (38:17.416)
We're going out for dinner tonight, which is lovely, but it's like, I want to take myself out. I'm not, and do the things that I wanna do. I'm not gonna wait any longer. I'm not interested in waiting for a guy to arrive with me if I wanna go to a show or a concert or wherever. I'm done waiting. So I'm bringing back my weekly solo dates. I've decided.

Johanne Walker (38:43.85)
I love that.

andrea (38:45.212)
or maybe bi-weekly solo dates, depending on how busy our schedule is, but it's really important that I carve out spending some time and dating myself again. Right, because I find with this past three months with this man, I really put myself out there. And I put myself out there.

Johanne Walker (38:55.086)
Hello.

andrea (39:08.765)
in a way that I haven't done in a very long.

And I feel that I just need to spend some time with me. And not just, because it's easy to just, okay, fuck him, let's move on, carry on, move on and go back onto the dating app. You like not process my feelings or my emotions or see where the lesson here is in this experience. I already know where the lesson is. It's easy to just keep on keeping on.

Johanne Walker (39:26.954)
Yeah, like it never happened, yeah.

andrea (39:41.876)
and moving forward and like, okay, let me update my pictures in the app because I'm looking pretty great today and let's go right back on it and like start chatting up guys left, right and center, right? Bring in the new recruits for the next season, right? Because that's what I would usually do, right? There's always five to 10 recruits around, you know, but I'm not interested in that right now and I don't know if I will be interested in that again.

Johanne Walker (40:05.034)
Always.

andrea (40:12.308)
I don't, I don't, I know, I know, right? Like, let's go.

Johanne Walker (40:12.33)
Well, you just broke up with him this morning.

Johanne Walker (40:20.03)
I will say this, I will say, I'm just so happy that you're in this space. And I'll say this to all of our listeners too, there is something really incredible when you pick a person and they pick you and they actually like you.

Johanne Walker (40:41.714)
Like, it's like they like you and you really like them. Right? Like.

andrea (40:45.96)
Yeah, like it's that mutual sort of feeling and exchange.

Johanne Walker (40:49.65)
Yes, you're not with someone that it's like, you know, oh, like I, I generally like Dan. I like him a lot.

andrea (41:03.661)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (41:04.534)
You know, and it's really, it's like you can love someone, you, and then you have to, but you really need to like them because you're with them all the time. And I will say that this is, and I haven't had a lot of relationships and I was in a long-term marriage before I have been with Dan for 19 years. And it's like, I, I'm in a well-suited place for her.

andrea (41:16.041)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

andrea (41:27.352)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (41:33.358)
who I am because he never makes me feel like I'm too much.

andrea (41:40.28)
Ehhhhhh...

Johanne Walker (41:41.438)
My ex was always like, you're too much. Everybody always stares at you when you go into a room. You always have to be the best dress. Your hair always has to be. Everybody thinks you're funny. Everybody likes you. Everybody wants to be your friend.

andrea (41:59.128)
and not mine. I'm second fiddle over here.

Johanne Walker (42:06.023)
Yeah, clearly, clearly. And you know, I don't think, I definitely wasn't like that when we first got together, but as the years went on, clearly things shifted. And as I was growing as a person, clearly he was not growing in the same way and didn't really, the things that he was probably attracted to me about became like his demon.

andrea (42:07.969)
Yeah.

andrea (42:33.292)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (42:33.854)
It just, he couldn't live with me. It just, it was freaking him out. It was clear that it was just, I was too much. He couldn't handle it. And then it would be like, when you're with someone that actually generally likes you and wants you on their arm and loves to look at you from across the room after 19 years and still laughs at your jokes.

you know, and likes it when you look good. You like it when they look good. And it's like, and they also tell you when you look like shit. Like, I don't know, I can leave not put together. Dan is always put together. I can definitely leave like with too much dog hair on me. Cat hair on me. And he's like, you need to rule yourself off if we're gonna go out together. I'm like, oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, oh yeah. You know, it's okay. We have time for you to do something with yourself.

andrea (43:19.116)
Wow. Wow, Johanne, wow.

Johanne Walker (43:34.758)
It's like good for me to be with someone like that, you know? Because it's not like he's like, holy shit, you look terrible. He'll be like, you know what? We have some time for you to take a moment.

andrea (43:47.98)
That's a very diplomatic way of saying it. I love that. Go take a moment. We got time.

Johanne Walker (43:52.798)
I love that too. And then I'm like, really, really? Okay, yeah, and you know what? I knew it. I just got lazy. I knew it. I was like, that's fine. And he was just letting me know that wasn't fine. And I appreciate that. I see.

andrea (44:04.28)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (44:07.56)
Yeah, I see you. I see you and that is not okay.

Johanne Walker (44:16.258)
So it goes both ways. So it comes to a point where it's like, you're with someone that you don't have to explain what you mean, what you're doing, because they get you. They get you, they trust you, they love you. We're in it together. And that is the secret sauce. So if there's something that you put, you just want someone.

andrea (44:17.813)
Uh huh.

andrea (44:30.4)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (44:36.902)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (44:45.09)
that doesn't think that you're too much, you're too funny, you're too pretty, you're too whatever. Because it's their self-worth.

andrea (44:53.473)
Mm-hmm.

andrea (44:56.907)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (44:58.23)
You know, like you were talking to that person way too long. Why were you flirting with that person? You don't want to be with someone like that. It's like I was talking to that person. Yeah. When you're, when I'm flirting, everyone will know I'm flirting.

andrea (45:06.573)
Mmm.

andrea (45:10.112)
I wasn't flirting, I was talking. There's a difference.

andrea (45:18.728)
It's pretty obvious.

Johanne Walker (45:20.266)
Right? Because clearly the only person I want to flirt with is you. You know? So it's just like, it's just like, you need to be with someone that gets you. So it's like, because that is an internal happiness and joy that you get from being with like girlfriends that you get along. It's like picking the right partner, picking the right choices, like making choices, the same people that align with the same values. And that...

andrea (45:23.841)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (45:48.758)
And that getting that nothing is perfect. And we're all here just to like take care of each other along the ride. You know what? Cause there's no more people that I wanna take care of than my husband, you know, and have him take care of me and the same for my children and the same for you. Like that's what we do in this little circle that we have. And it's like that to me gives me and feeds me, feeds my heart.

andrea (46:09.932)
Mm-hmm.

Johanne Walker (46:18.53)
full.

Johanne Walker (46:25.726)
It feeds my heart full.

andrea (46:27.372)
Sorry, it sounded like you were just going to say more.

Johanne Walker (46:29.886)
Yeah, I think that's it. It feeds my heart full.

andrea (46:31.828)
Okay, that's why I didn't say anything. I was like, is this a dramatic pause? Like, I think she's gonna say more.

andrea (46:42.445)
Johanne has the floor now It's been it's been a day in the best possible way yeah

Johanne Walker (46:49.075)
Ugh, anyway. Okay, well I'm really proud of you. What a good day for you.

Johanne Walker (46:57.13)
Yeah. And your hair looks phenomenal.

andrea (47:00.564)
Thank you. I love it.

Johanne Walker (47:03.962)
Yeah, as you should. It looks great. Yeah. Oh, thank you. We get blowouts sometimes. I said to her when she was lathering my hair, I'm like, there might not be a lather. I don't remember the last time I washed my hair.

andrea (47:05.562)
as I should. Yeah, thank you. You look great too.

andrea (47:13.056)
Sometimes we do, like today.

andrea (47:25.858)
Well, the same the same gal that did your hair did my hair. Yeah, yeah, she's great.

Johanne Walker (47:29.681)
Oh, okay.

Was that your first blow-out since you had hair extensions? How was that? Was it?

andrea (47:35.74)
Yeah. Amazing. Yeah, I was like, okay, I feel like I'm learning how to do my hair all over again. And so afterwards, she actually took the time to show me how to use my curling iron at home to curl it, because I'm like, I'm trying to do it myself, but I don't know. I usually just it takes so long to blow dry my hair now that I just like it's dry. Okay, done. Like, that's it.

Johanne Walker (47:45.331)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (47:51.975)
Oh great!

Johanne Walker (48:02.455)
Yeah.

andrea (48:05.804)
And she's like, okay, I know, I know it takes a while. This is what you can do. And she showed me, like she actually got her hair out and showed how to wrap the curling iron and all that jazz because she used a flat iron to make these curls. And I said, well, do I need to buy a flat iron now? Because I used to have one like 20 years ago when the like was in, but I'm pretty sure I donated that or gave it to a girlfriend or maybe just got rid of it. She's like, no, it's actually easier to curl your hair with a curling iron than a flat iron.

Johanne Walker (48:23.518)
Yeah, yeah.

andrea (48:33.624)
And she's like, I can never curl my hair with a flat iron on my own. Someone always has to do it. So use your, and so she showed me how to do it. Cause I was telling her, I was like, I feel like there, I'm like 15 trying to do my hair for the first time. She's like, okay, okay. I'll take pity on you. I'll help, I'll share. I won't gatekeep, I will share with you. I'm like, thank you, thank you, I love you.

Johanne Walker (48:33.826)
Okay.

Johanne Walker (48:37.758)
Okay.

Johanne Walker (48:53.962)
I don't think she was taking pity. She's a blow out specialist. And yeah, like I think she was just sharing so that you can always feel your best.

andrea (48:58.944)
That is true.

andrea (49:04.428)
Yeah, well, it's like I talked to the gals there too. So she was like, so how's it going? I'm like, oh, big news. She's like, oh, what? I'm like, so I just broke up with the guy that I was seeing. She's like, oh, the one at Christmas? I'm like, yep, that's the one. She's like, I'm so sorry. I'm like, I'm not.

andrea (49:23.424)
But thank you.

Johanne Walker (49:23.746)
Oh, Andrea, I'm so happy for you.

andrea (49:26.904)
Because you know when I go there and I get my hair blown out it's like we chat like you talk to the girls like or at least I talk to the gals there and I love them and they know me and I know them and we're like our own little like kind of like friend group but not really a friend group at the same time like we're acquaintances and it's just fun and it's like we spill the tea to each other because that's what that's what you do. Yeah.

Johanne Walker (49:32.34)
Yeah.

Johanne Walker (49:42.058)
Yeah, it's lovely.

Johanne Walker (49:49.266)
Yeah, hairdressers and bartenders know all the tea.

andrea (49:53.836)
Yes they do. Yes they do.

Johanne Walker (49:58.342)
Okay, well, I look forward to seeing you. Thank you so much for sharing. Yeah.

andrea (50:03.462)
My pleasure. I'm here. I'm here to share.

Johanne Walker (50:07.138)
Thank you to everyone for listening to Please Open My Door.

andrea (50:09.876)
Yes, like, follow, subscribe, share with your friends. Find us on all the socials at please open my door. And if you have any sort of questions or topics or anything at all that you want us to cover over the next season or next season or future or whenever, shoot us a DM or reach out to us on any of the socials. And we will proudly give our two cents in an upcoming episode.

Johanne Walker (50:32.856)
Amazing!

Johanne Walker (50:37.123)
For once it works.

andrea (50:39.177)
Uh huh, uh huh. Bye.

Johanne Walker (50:41.934)
Bye.