Let's Talk Spray tans, Personal Growth, and Self-Care

Today,  we are back in the studio and reunited with our best friend, sound engineer and all round cool dude, Matt Snell.  We missed you Matt!

We are talking about spray tans, self-reflection, personal growth, and the power of embracing one's true self.  Its the summer of Bronzed Goddess Folks!

We’re here for all of it, and we’re excited that you are too

Disclaimer: We can’t promise to stay on topic

Takeaways:

• The discussion around spray tans reveals the impact on confidence, relationships, and self-expression, emphasizing the power of embracing one's true self.
• The conversation delves into self-reflection and personal growth, highlighting the importance of recognizing progress and setting boundaries for personal development. Self-awareness and self-care are essential for personal growth and confidence.
• Setting boundaries and embracing change are key to stepping into new opportunities.
• Parenting involves prioritizing family relationships and creating a supportive environment.
• Expressing gratitude and practicing mindfulness contribute to better sleep quality and overall well-being.

Chapters:

00:00 The Return to the Studio and Transition to Patreon
02:23 The Impact of Spray Tans on Confidence and Relationships
16:28 Self-Reflection, Personal Growth, and Embracing True Self
32:01 Navigating Change and Setting Boundaries
49:45 Prioritizing Family Relationships and Support
54:40 The Impact of Gratitude and Mindfulness on Well-Being

Links and resources:
Matt Snell (Our amazing sound engineer!)
Todd Cunningham (If you heard a shutter click on this week's episode, you heard Todd hard at work catching candid shots of us)
Sunless Touch Spray Tan (Tara is the owner of this mobile spray tan business in the GTA.  Andrea has been going to her for years, and Tara popped Johanne's spray tan cherry!)

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We are refreshing POMD, We'd love your input, fill out a quick 3 min survey here.
Follow POMD on Instagram: @pleaseopenmydoor
Find us on TikTok: @pleaseopenmydoor
Watch our episodes on YouTube: Please Open My Door
For more info about us, check out our website

Have an idea for a podcast? Have a burning question that needs to be answered?
Send us a DM @Pleaseopenmydoor and we'll give our 2 cents in an upcoming episode!

Transcript

andrea (00:01.43)
Yay! We're back! We're back in the studio. It's been a long time. I can't even remember the last time that we were in here. Matt, when was the last time we were in here?

Wow. I love that. That's like five lifetimes ago at this point in time. Yeah. Or five previous evolutions. It feels pretty great. To be back? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And we have Todd here. Yeah. Taking pictures. Yeah. Hey. Hey.

It's kind of like the paparazzi. I know, it's kind of fun. Because it's like taking candid photos. So it's like, don't look at him and do your cheesy smile. Just, just play it cool, Andrea. Be natural. Be natural. Play it cool. It's just like, okay, now that we're having our pictures taken, how do we sit? It's like, okay, okay, how do I sit? How do I pose? Like, how do you do all the things and hold your breath and make sure you look slim? And elegant at the same time, right? Ugh. Ugh.

what a blast it's been. Yeah. Feels pretty good to be in here. It is. It was so, like, it was such a part of our everyday routine. Not everyday, but every week routine. Like, we would be here, and like, Matt would be like a part of our lives. Like, new best friend kind of thing, right? Like, we'd have mocktails, we'd have pastries, we'd have other, like, fruit and stuff like that, and just, like, have a good chin wag before we start our actual...

chin wag where everybody else is privy to it as well. And it's like, you get out of that routine and you're like, I miss that. I didn't realize how much I missed it. Until we saw Matt and then we were able to come in and see you. And it's just like, it's not the same without you. Well, what's so good is that we, we always talk for probably anywhere, what between 30.

andrea (01:55.63)
30 minutes for sure before every single episode. And then we have a cleanup after just chatting away. And now, because we are entering the world of Patreon, we're filming all of it. Yeah. Not this. Not this one. We did not film like the before. No, we didn't, but we're starting to. Like we're new. But yesterday was our very first time. Well, we filmed before. Yeah. Yes. Which is really fun.

It is kind of fun. I thought that we were exactly the same on the podcast as we were not on the podcast. But I realized that I tried to like sit in one place. I don't do it very well. I try to keep my hands low. I don't do that very well either. But in the Patreon one, like I've got my feet up the wall. I'm like doing wardrobe changes.

Last minute lip gloss. Well, it's candid. It shows everything that we do to get ready to kind of do this. Yeah. To make it look like a casual conversation. It's like the no makeup makeup look. The guys think like, she's not wearing any makeup. And it's like, actually, I just spent 45 minutes doing my makeup to make it look like I'm not wearing any makeup. Yeah, that I just wake up like this in the morning. My hair is perfect. This is how I am every day. I just wake up with a natural glow every morning.

The way that I explained it to someone was just before you're getting ready to leave the house with your girls and you're going out, everyone does these last minute checks. Like, do we have everything? Everything's in our purse. You got your wallet, you got your cell phone, got your lipstick. You know, do you have all these things? That's how I feel that the pre -record is. Yeah. You got enough ice in your ice water.

It's really fun. Right. Like your nipples not going to fall out of your shirt. Yeah. Or like your shirt's not too sheer that you can see. Well, maybe you want us to have your nipples. I don't know. I don't know either. This is very new. Yeah. I call it the, you know, it's the pre pre pre. It's the pre game. But we're having a lot of fun with it. We've just had a lot of requests to talk more and more in depth about what we have going on. Yeah.

andrea (04:15.598)
And it's really challenging to condense it, especially if you like to chat. Yeah. In something that's reasonable, like 45 minutes to an hour. Yeah. I mean, let's face it, we're always about an hour, but we've just decided that we're just going to start to record more and more and then have our weekly drop on the podcast and then have Patreon, which is a subscriber base. It's not going to be expensive. That can help pay for.

all the costs incurred with it. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just, and we get to talk about it. It's extra little bonus content. It's like, and we're playing with ideas too of like where people can send in questions and we can like respond personally. People are sending in questions. So we, it gives us a platform to be able to talk about it. Yeah. Where we like, we can continue the dialogue after record is done or after like the formal podcast is over. It's like, we can continue the conversation.

My look is if one person sends in a question, a lot of people are thinking the same thing. Well, it's like if one person asking that question, I was always taught this in school, if one person is putting up their hand to ask the question, chances are there's probably at least 35 % of the rest of the class is thinking that exact same question. Can I go to the bathroom? Or, my God, this is so fricking boring. I was the queen of going to the bathroom in school. What does that even mean? It means that I would just get out of class. I have to go to the bathroom.

you want to go to the bathroom. I have to go to the bathroom. And I would go there and hang out. And then I'd meet my other friends in the bathroom. hey. Hey. Hey, girl, hey. Hey, what you doing here? Just hanging out? Me too. Skipping history again, hey? Mm -hmm. I feel so seen right now.

andrea (06:05.294)
man. my God. boy. Okay. So I had this crazy thing happen to me that we kind of briefly started talking about, but I got my very first spray tan. Yes. That was exciting. I was a spray tan virgin. You were a spray tan virgin. So I had it on Thursday. Last weekend. I'm still doing really well. Like. Your legs are so insanely tan.

I love it. And I forgot how tan they were until I saw you in shorts again today. I'm like, damn, your legs are tanned. It's been such a great experience. Right. Because I literally for at least the last 10 years have been covered head to toe in sunblock. Yeah. You got to, you got to protect the skin. And every time the weather starts to shift here in Toronto, we go from like, well, now it seems like we go from like winter to summer. Spring is like a few weeks.

a week, two days. Exactly. So I start to go, I just want to leave a little sunblock off to sunblock or not sunblock because I'd like to look like I got kissed by the sun. And so when you have a spray tan, I am now a bronze goddess. Well, that's our summer theme.

Right? I've always, for the most part, I've always had summer themes when it comes to like wardrobe and styling and stuff like that. Cause I just have fun with it. Yes you do. So like, I feel like last summer's summer theme for me was like swimmingly streamlined elegance.

What does that look like? Last summer. No, I know, but what does that look like? No, I know how you were. Yeah. But I'm just saying, like, I mean, you wore a lot of linen. Yes. You...

andrea (07:56.334)
were flat shoes. Yep. You had flowing pants cause wide leg was back in. Yep. Tight tops. Yep. So like streamlined. Okay. swimmingly streamlined. So very like hydrated skin, dewy looking skin, less frizzy hair, maybe a little bit more slicked back if I so desired to. I love the way you're looking at me right now. Like.

Honestly, you give everything a lot of thought. A combination of like flow and then like, tight to the body. Yes. Yeah. So mainly streamlined elegance. That was my theme last year. Okay. Amazing. So what is your theme this summer? Bronze goddess summer.

andrea (08:45.55)
What does that look like? Are we all like Cleopatra now? Yeah, pretty much. Black eyeliner. Well, I guess it depends on what God has resonates the most with you. Yes. You can be whoever you want. So Dan asked me to wear a thong when I was getting my spray tan. And I was like, okay. What type of thong did he ask for you? Well, like, you know, like the little micro mini. I wore the skimless micro mini.

So I wore it. An itty bitty G string. An itty bitty teeny weeny little polka dot bikini. Well, it's not big enough for polka dots. No, it's not small. It was really, really small. So we woke up and, you know, he saw me. I really looked like something about Mary. You know, the woman that's... No, you... I did. For sure, for real, I looked like that. Like right after you got it done. As soon as we got this break in, I was literally like with my...

with my thong on like, my God, the way that you are walking around, you're like this trying to air dry. So I didn't have any, you took air dry very, very seriously. Thank you. Anyway, the other morning he wakes up and he says, I just want you to, I just want you to know that I had no idea what a turn on that thong tan line would be. What is it with guys until you rolled over and I got to see it. And I was like,

Yes. And I was like, fascinating. What is it with guys in tan lines? I don't know, but I'm really into it. How do you feel, Matt, on tan lines? Are you into it? Okay. But what is it about tan lines? We got two thumbs up from Matt. Todd, what about you? Tan lines to no tan line to tan line. It's all good to me. It's all good to Matt. But yeah, he was like, so then he's like,

I think that we're onto something with the spray tans this summer. I was like, okay. So your summer theme is spray tan. Spray tan. Spray tan. But now he wants me to get like a tiny little bikini top to wear. Of course he does. So I have the full tan line. my God, I love this. So Cassandra said to me, cause I was away with my daughter on the weekend, she goes, I said, what do you think of my tan line? She goes, mom, that is not a tan line. That is a piece of thread line. I'm like,

andrea (11:08.942)
Your mom's still got it. That's right. I'm slaying like a dragon over here. Well, I love it because she went to the exact same event that you got a tan for. And I, like, I called her and was like, Hey girl, like we're getting spray tans. do you want to get on on it? So you're feeling like a bronze goddess over the weekend too. And then, she said, you know what? Thank you so much for the offer. I was out on the boat last weekend and like my color is looking.

Pretty poppin' right now. She was feeling really good about it. And I was like, you know what, that's a hot brag. She's like, yeah, it is. I'm like, okay, okay, that's very fair. She passed. And funnily enough that she texted me from your phone when you were driving on Friday. And it was like, I'm just looking at her. I had a family wedding. I'm looking over at my mom and just, damn. I should have gotten a spray tan. I should have gotten a spray tan. I'm like, okay, next time, now you know, next time.

Yeah. Like get in on it. It's cause it's fun. And she comes to, it's a mobile spray tan service. Yeah. And it's a gal that I've known for, I want to say since 2017. Yeah, she used to go to your yoga classes. Yeah. Like that's how I met her. Her and her partner went to my yoga class and, she was starting up a mobile spray tan business and she was looking for people to practice on.

And so I said, Hey, I'll do it. Like, why not? I've never done it before. I'm curious about it. And like, it's a woman starting her own business. Of course I want to help out. Yeah. And who doesn't want to spray tan? Let's do this. So I went with, the first time I went, I went with one of my girlfriends from yoga and we got spray tans together and like, I had no idea what to expect. So I wore like the little disposable, like bra top and like, she used to give like disposable underwear.

And, the tan was great, but it gave me a weird, cause it was cut like a triangle over your boobs. It was like a hospital thing where you go in for like. And I'm like, never again, because when you wear like a low cut top, it just has this like, like square rectangle thing. And I was like, okay, never again. No, no, no. Okay. Like modesty goes out the window here. That wouldn't have been a turn on in my bedroom. Well, thankfully like I was with my ex of 10 and a half years at the time. And like, we weren't really.

andrea (13:19.214)
Like, it was more at the end of the relationship where we weren't as like... So you weren't having sex anymore? Well, not regularly. So that's like basically none? Yeah. Well, like he was having sex with other people. Hence, that's why he wasn't having sex with me. Yeah, but we were only having sex maybe like once a month, maybe once every two to three weeks or something like that. Like it wasn't like super regular. So, yeah. So that's how I met her. And I like...

you wanted some color for the sweater. I was like, let me, let me text her. Honestly, it was a game changer. Let me text her and see if she's still doing this, see if she's still around. If she's not worse comes to worse, I will apply self -tanner for you. That's true. You did, you offered, you said if she can't do it, I'll, I'll put self -tanner on you. Yeah. Like I will help you out with self -tanner because you've never done self -tanner before. And as like I've had a bottle of self -tanner for a year and I've been too intimidated to use it.

Cause I've seen a lot of bad self tanning. Yes. So, yeah. Let's just leave it there. And the self tanner that you got, like that's the one that I use that I absolutely love that gives me the best color. Kristy Teigen uses it as well. Yeah. Centrobe. Trope? Trope. Trope. It's my favorite. I used another brand for a long time. It was an Irish brand made for like super pale girls. And so you wouldn't look orange or weird. And I tried it for a while and I was like,

I don't like this. I think Ashley Graham started using the mousse that you have and that's what I started to use. And I'm like, this is so even. It like makes me look tanned. It doesn't make me look orange. I love it. And it's like, there's something to be said how a woman's confidence changes ever so slightly when you have a little bit of a tan. Absolutely. Hands down, I can, I can vote for that. Because my cousin, Laura,

also got her very first spray tans for this wedding. And she's like, I just want you to know that you looked really amazing yesterday. You have a lot of color. Did you, I said my very first spray tan. She goes, me too.

andrea (15:28.142)
It changed.

andrea (15:32.206)
It's little things like that that can have such a profound effect. But not just on you, but on your mate. And your mate, yes. Just saying. Note to self, everybody go get a spray tan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we'll put... And according to Matt and my husband, tan lines are the way to go. I personally would like to see me completely dark with no lines, but I definitely...

By having his reaction to this little tan line that I have, it's working for me. And it's so great because we have this intimacy workshop coming up. And by getting this, it's so funny when you try something new and you don't know the impact and you're like, and then all of a sudden this impact that has like, it's changed everything. Like how?

Well, it's just like my mind set around that. Yeah, like all of a sudden it's like this new little, it's just like playing around in the bedroom and playing around in life and with your companion, like being curious and trying new things. And who knew that a little tan line would be like ramping up. I mean, not that it needed any ramping as far as I'm concerned. Well, we know someone's getting laid quite regularly right now. I mean.

Hello. Yeah. I mean, it's always great, but lately I'm just like, tan lines are bumping things up to the next level. Only Tuesday. I just got it. I know. Who knows? I'll let you know next week how it's still going. Consider it market research. God is training. God is training. Yeah. Tan line, tan line training now. Maybe that, maybe that's your next book. Like the, the power of tan lines or something like that.

Yeah. And it's the power of curiosity around keeping things fresh for yourself. And that's what we're talking about. The power of intimacy. It's like self intimacy, doing things for yourself that you wouldn't normally do. And I'm a creature of habit. I like to do the same things. I have the same habits and they're great habits, but it's kind of like, do I really want to spend $75 on a spray tan? Yes, I do.

andrea (17:55.854)
Well, it's like when it's something new like that, when it's something new that you've never done before, the only value that you can put on it is like the financial dollar. Yeah, because you don't know. Because you don't know what sort of, you don't know what you don't know. You don't know what sort of impact it can have. Yes. Until you, yeah, you spend the $75 and you have the experience, the full experience, and then, and see what happens. And I was really nervous doing it too. Yeah. Like you knew that. yeah. I was like, because I thought,

it's Thursday before we leave on the weekend and what if it doesn't look good? Like what if it's too much? I don't want to be too dark. I want it to be perfect because I'm such a perfectionist and it just was better than expected. Yeah. Well, and she's amazing at what she does too. She is. She was a professional. She's meticulous. She wants to make sure everything looks good. There's no weird lines or missed a spot or anything else like that too. Like she's

She's really good at what she does. She's really good. We'll tag her in the bottom so that you, if you're in the GTA, I don't know if she's taking on new clients, but. I have no idea. And like the great thing is like, she comes to you, she sets up her little tent. Yeah. And so you don't even have to worry about like leaving the house or anything like that. Yeah, because you do need to dry off. Cause like you're tacky, you need to like, dry for like 20, 30 minutes. Yeah. You were, I was tacky, tacky for a few hours. Yeah. I felt, but it.

It was amazing. It was a good experience. And that is something, you know, we talk about what we bring to each other's lives and it's like, you bring me spray tans. And so much more, but. So much more, but mostly spray tans. Mostly spray tans. But you know, we recorded an episode yesterday and you openly shared about the impact that.

I've had on your life. Like your friendship and everything. Yeah. And if you haven't had a chance to listen, it's a great listen. Yeah. Because it was so wonderful to see you speak your truth and feel the difference of all the work that you've done on yourself. Feel it in your body.

andrea (20:17.454)
and then express it out. And it wasn't something that you were just talking about, but the way that you were communicating, Andrea, was you could tell that it had landed in your body. All the changes, all the boundaries that you'd set for yourself, all the standards that your baseline had been risen. And it was just such an incredible, incredible thing to witness. I couldn't be happier for you. Thank you. Well, that's like when you're doing the work,

and you're moving through, it's like you keep your head down and you just keep moving forward. And it's not very often that you stop to think of like how far I've come or how much I've changed or how much things have shifted or I did that because I put in boundaries. interesting. Okay. I accepted that the way like that relationship or dating that guy because I was still wishy washy with my boundaries, but look how far I've come.

Yeah. Right. So it's taking, taking a pause in a moment and be like, look how far I've come. Look how much I've changed. Let's actually like, actually, instead of being like, yeah, yeah, sure. I've changed. Move on, move on. It's like, okay, let's take a pause here and think about it. Let's take a pause and notice. Let's take a pause and see how things are different. Yeah. And how maybe some things are the same. And if the stuff that's the same, like does that need to be further evolved or do I need to

put more attention and intention there? Or how, like, what sort of purpose is it serving me now? Yeah, because you're looking at it from a place of like a growth edge rather than, what's wrong with me? Or, why do I always do this? Or why is it always like this? It's always like, that's interesting. I can work on that. Yeah. I didn't see that before. Right. You're not making it bad or you're not making it good. You're just like, you're looking at yourself.

differently. Yeah. And that's the power of self reflection. You know, last summer you and I were talking and I'd said, I don't know, we had to do something. We had to do bios. We had to do something. And I said, come up with a list of all the different things that you're great at. Like just like bullet point and then we'll work together and we'll create these bios. I think it was, wasn't it bios? I honestly can't even remember it. That's cool.

andrea (22:44.558)
But I'm sure it was bios and I said, come up with a list of all the things that you're good at. And then it was like, do you have it yet? Do you have it yet? And you said, you know what? I'm kind of struggling. I'm kind of struggling with it. I'm like, that's understandable. Let's just look at it. And then you were like, you know, and then you were keeping it really close to the chest. And then I remember saying to you, I have three pages of all the things that you're really great at.

So why don't you try to see yourself the way that I see you?

And then you're like, well, what did you write on those pages? I was like, I'm not telling. Can you, can you, can you fill me in? I'm not telling. I want to know. I want to know. You need to do this for yourself. Yeah. You know? And then you had some, but it was just really interesting. And my point here is that it's really difficult to take a look at ourselves when we're raised from a place of trying to be humble or trying not to like brag or make it.

or make yourself feel better or, you know, well, you, you know, you can't be too big for your bridges, you know, keep it, keep it low, keep it, you know, like, you don't want to be like overly confident because that's cocky. Yeah, you want to fly under the radar. Exactly. And I'm like, I kept saying to you, Andrea, I want you to shine as brightly as you can. Every room that you walk into,

I want you to shine bright like a diamond, shine bright like a diamond. And you're like, I can do that. I can do that. And then it was like, it was watching you do this consistently, a little bit more, every room you watched it, you walked into, you know? And I said, it doesn't matter where you are, walk in in your biggest self. Listen, every day is not going to be an ace day.

andrea (24:47.086)
Right? Like, like, and it, and when you are having those days, try to just do better for yourself. It's like, it's kind of like that fake it till you make it. It doesn't mean that you're being fake, but it's like rally. Joanne, let's rally here. I'm going to rally. I'm going to rally. I can do this. It's like.

You know, every time I walk into a business meeting, not every day is a good day, but I rally around it. You know, I've got my work all ready and I go and I present it the best that I can in the shape that I'm in. It's the same principles that we do for ourselves. And it was incredible to watch you do that for yourself. Well, and I think,

the time when it really landed for me was when we were doing that disco party. Okay. And I wasn't going to wear the pink jumpsuit. yeah, I remember. Remember that? And I think we were - That hot jumpsuit. I think we recorded it on one of the podcasts too. We were talking about it. And I remember I wasn't going to wear it and you're like, well, why aren't you going to wear it? And I said, well, I don't want to take away from the birthday girl. Yeah. And,

you said to me, I want you, don't worry about the birthday girl. She's covered. She's covered. She's got three outfit changes. Yeah, we got her a crown. Don't, don't you worry about her. Wear what you want to wear and hold everybody's attention. And I was like, okay, okay, let's do this. Cause I've never had someone say that to me before.

I've always like worn the crazy thing or worn like a, like a more outlandish outfit. And then I'll get the like, what are you doing? Why are you wearing that? so it was really nice to like lean into that and just like have that support. We like, yeah, wear the pink jumpsuit with the three foot Afro. Wear it. Work it. You looked so good. I felt so good. And I was like, okay. And, and I didn't take away anything from the birthday girl either. God no.

andrea (27:01.806)
Everybody was in these incredible outfits. It was so cool to see everyone had embraced the party. Yeah. Right? Everybody had embraced it. So it was so cool. And it's like, why wouldn't you? But I think everybody has that point where you get guilty of like, I'm, I'm dressing for fun. I'm having fun, but I'm still going to just keep the lid on it.

And it's like, what would it look like if you just took your lid off? What's the worst thing that's gonna happen?

andrea (27:41.006)
Yeah. You're going to figure out and learn more about yourself. Yeah. It's the same sort of thing that I didn't realize that I had social anxiety going out in public, like to a party or business or anything. I didn't realize, cause I would have a pre, a pre cocktail, you know, at, for like after our meetings, going out with friends, going out for dinner because I'd be getting ready and I would have a pre cocktail.

I didn't realize that I had social anxiety until I stopped drinking alcohol.

So it was very fascinating that the ability to stop drinking alcohol and then learn how to work with myself in those situations, how I actually learned how to work with that anxiety, learned how to work with myself. And then I realized that I actually was able to embody more of my confidence because I wasn't hiding behind a cocktail.

I stood taller. My skin was brighter. I was able to articulate myself. It was a much more powerful place because I was getting to know myself better.

Makes sense. Totally makes sense. So it's like the same thing. It's like quitting something and trying on something new, stopping something, trying on something new, doing things different. It's coming out of our comfort zone to be able to see like, Hey, this is what I'm made of. It's the same thing that I said to Cassandra when she's doing this new job. It's like, girl, this is your time to shine. Yeah. This is not a time to hold back.

andrea (29:37.87)
This is your time to step into who you are. My advice for you as your mom is get your own house in order. You have been preparing for this job for a long time. Yeah. But you need to do some house cleanup because you've got three kids. You're happy in a marriage, got a household to hold down. You've got like all these things that you need to get in order. So it's like get daycare.

Scheduled summer camps, right? So that you can have the kids cared for so that that comes off your plate. Get your healthy routines going. Yes. Right. Where's yourself, Karen? Maybe you need to set your, and these are just guidelines I said, you know, like you do with this, what you want to do, cause I'm not telling you what to do, but maybe it looks like you set your clock for an hour earlier so that you can move your body. Maybe it starts by going for a walk.

You know, maybe it's yoga. I don't know what it is for you. It's being prepared, getting your outfits. I said, you need new shoes. Go buy some new shoes. And she's like, it's so funny that you said that to me, mom, because she loves these bloodstone boots and she wears them all the way, all the time. She still has those? Yes. And so she wore a different set of shoes to the office and her boss said to her, or someone said to her,

You're not wearing your boots. those are nice shoes sort of thing. I said, so people notice, and when you're working into the job of your dreams, you need to work all of you into the job. So you need to dress, dress appropriately, dress for confidence, you know, set yourself up for success, have your hair washing day done. Yeah. You know, if you're not used to clothes are not a priority.

make it a priority. So set your wardrobe out for the week. Like start to set yourself up. Or create like a capsule wardrobe for work wear. Yeah, but that is even way too complicated for her at this point. Like it's like moment to moment, like between like organizing the kids and trying to like feed and get all their homework done and their afterschool activities. Like it needs to be super simple. So night before, before you go to sleep, set something out. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Like.

andrea (32:01.23)
It's like, that's all she has right now. And I get it. I raised three kids too and worked full time. And, you know, and I said, and now you're going to walk into, now she's managing everything herself with her partner, but they're both working full time. I said, but now you're starting to get into a job where you're going to afford help. And you're going to need help too. Yes. So it's like schedule that in.

Get that Raptor on your brain that you're not in that hustle, but you're going to make enough money so that you can bring in support to help you with the children. How amazing is that? And she's like, mom.

You're right. I love that. Yeah. And she goes, I remember when you were able to financially bring in. And I said, cause you kids were a priority to me. So I had someone come in like one day a week and then it was two days a week, then it was three days a week and then it was four days a week. And I really would have had her in full time, but I had the income to have that so that I could feel good about.

that the kids didn't look like they were homeless going to school. Important. Yeah. You know, so it's like, and just start to roll into that. And, and she's like, this is really new for me. And I said, just start to organize, get your own house in order.

That's the most important thing. Take your health seriously, eat properly, have an outlet so that you can deal with your anxiety and your pressure because you're going to have it. And the only way to combat that is movement, nutrition, and healthy habits that you implement and cut back your drinking. Right? Because if you're, if you are.

andrea (34:00.718)
working your way into a more high profile job and you have all these ambitions and you're having a couple too many cocktails on the weekend, it takes you out of your game. Yeah. For work. So start to get your house in order and stay in your own lane and work on you. And by doing that, everything else just falls into place. And it's very similar to what I had shared with you.

last summer. It's like, Andrea, the more that you stay in your own lane, the more that you work on yourself, the more that you implement these boundaries, the more that you feel, get comfortable with being uncomfortable in new situations, that's a muscle. And you're just using that muscle, using that muscle. And then it becomes easier and easier and easier.

And then it's a non -negotiable. Yeah. It's just, it's there. Exactly. And these are things that I wish I would have had someone tell me before. I learned how to do this on my own. And lots of like stumbles and falls along the way. Yeah. You know, because sometimes I would go way too far and then I'd have to get pulled back, you know, and then I'd go further and then I would come back.

And then it would be like this, like, you know, this like, like seesaw sort of thing where I learned how to work with myself. And so at 56, I feel like I know I've mastered this for myself. The ability to ride the line and stay doesn't mean I don't have good days and bad days, but I know how to, when it's time to hit the gas.

And when it's time to pull it back, I've mastered that and I'm still mastering new ways of it. Cause I'm dealing with a new Joanne, right? Like I'm still kneeling. I'm still growing and moving and it's the same thing with everything that we're doing and we're up, up to. But long gone are the days of you're too much, Joanne.

andrea (36:25.006)
Like long gone are those days. It's like, you don't like who I am too fucking bad. I like who I am. Well, it's like, that's a you problem, not a me problem. Exactly. And, and, and I stand in that proudly. Good. And it's incredible to watch you stand in that. And as your friend, I, I'm into it.

I'm into it. Well, thank you. I'm into it. I'm just into it. I'm into it. It's just been such a great because, you know, you have these relationships with people that you get into these like incredible conversations that we have all the time. And it's like sometimes like, you know what? I just don't have it in me. Like, I don't think we could be friends.

You know? It's like, it's just, it's a lot. And it's easy to drop friends and it's easy to drop things when it's too hard. But, and I mean that like not just in friendships, but marriage and relationships and lovers and work things and it's like, I'm being challenged too hard.

I don't have the energy, I'm too tired and you get into woes me programming. And then all of a sudden it's like, what would it look like if I just did this? What would it look like if I actually just took a deep breath and looked at this situation differently and took it from a learning edge? Like how could it work for me? What can I learn from here? So it's like taking a step away from.

Ego and like, yeah, like seeing like, okay, what, where is the learning here? How can I learn from this or like, what is this experience trying to teach me? Is that what you mean? Yeah, it's exactly what I mean. Okay. Yeah. I know. I'm, my face is probably looking weird. You're like, yeah, that's what I'm like, am I going off on a tangent? I think I'm listening to you, but you are. It's okay. Well, I mean, you're experiencing it yourself. Right. So it's just like being able to.

andrea (38:41.934)
Get out of your own way and stop self -sabotaging yourself, you know, and be curious about where the learning is for you and then step into it. And you have changed my life, Andrea, in so many ways, not only just with the self tan, but you.

But you've, I mean, you're a lot younger than I am. You've helped me through your grief and loss that you've experienced over the last few years. You've helped me go back in and heal myself from my own grief and loss.

So watching you and actively helping you heal yourself, you've given me the opportunity to heal myself on a very deep level. And I'm grateful.

Thank you. Truly. Because you don't, when you, I feel like we're never really through everything. Everything always seems to come back. It might change, it might shift, but like - It's like you learn to live with it. Yeah. In whatever form it's in. And, and what I realize is, is that -

Sometimes when I initially deal with something, it's like, I just closed the garage door. You put it in a box, you put it in a box and you put it over here. And so then it's like, it's behind there. And then different times the garage door gets open a little bit and then it comes out and then I'm like, okay, I've dealt with you a little bit more. And then I closed the garage door again. But I lost my dad very young.

andrea (40:38.478)
And I've had a lot of losses in my life, not just with people that have left, like literally left the earth, but lots of losses of people that just weren't in my life under the best circumstance. And I've just let them go. And even some people did things and some people didn't do things. I just knew that our time was coming to.

And it was the same sort of thing even like with yoga. You know, it was a loss of giving up yoga and taking on something new. And it's a loss of, you know, marriage and it's a loss of like kids living at home and it's a loss of jobs and it's a loss of, you know, I thought maybe my life would look a little bit different today than it does. And it's like accepting where I am.

in my life and moving forward from there. So by watching you grieve your losses and me being there for you, standing beside you, for everything that you are and everything you're not, enabled me to open up my garage door wide open. Whoa. And pull all the little hidden secrets. All the nooks and the crannies.

And it was like, I got an opportunity to get really real with myself too. So thank you. You're welcome. Yeah. Thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for sharing and thank you for not sharing because the more that you didn't share, the more that I was able to share with you and then it gave you permission to share with me. So the more vulnerable I became with you, you became with me.

Well, we're just mirrors of each other. Yes. So, you know, we're friends with different benefits than... But the best kind, like the best kind of girlfriend benefits. Like truly just being open and honest. And I look forward to continuing this journey and on this path. And I love that we...

andrea (43:01.774)
have created this platform for open, honest conversations. And I'm excited. I'm excited to do a Patreon with you. I'm excited to become more vulnerable and share more of our crazy ass selves because we have a lot of fun. Yes, we do. We have a lot of fun and it's not always like.

Glamorous. no. Or poised or glamorous or like hair done, outfit matching, lip gloss on. And the outfit matching is kind of fluky. It just kind of shows up for us. Yeah, that's so weird where it's like we both show up in black tank tops. Or the same nip color or it's just fun. Or what was it the other day where we were at a dinner party and like you're wearing a black halter dress and I show up in a white halter dress?

yeah. That was not planned at all. That was Ebony and ivory. Okay, okay. It's like, wow, okay. But I love me a good halter. Yeah. And you love a good halter too. I do. And I really love the fact that you love clothes. You love clothes. I mean, I love clothes too, but I never had anyone that I would talk about clothing with.

or feelings that clothing bring you. It was something that I just did it. It was like, you know, I want to feel great. I want to feel sexy. I don't want to look too sexy, but I want to look just right. Like you want to toe the line. Yeah. Yeah. Like I always say, take my slit to inappropriate and then come down half hitch. Toe the line, toe the line. But I never had anyone to share that with because it was always me alone in that place. Mm -hmm.

And it's just so fun to have a friend that you can like have that like half inch down inappropriate look with. It's like, when I bend over, can everybody see everything? Well, do you want everybody to see everything? That's the bigger question. Well, kinda. We'll just add.

andrea (45:11.214)
So, yeah, I just thank you for everything that you bring to my life and my family's life. Thank you. Yeah. Because it's interesting because all three kids, you have a relationship with each one of them. And I mean, you know that we're a package deal. It's me and my family.

All for one, one for all. Like that's how we roll legitimately as a family. Like if someone upsets one of the kids, we all get our phones out, delete, delete, delete, delete, delete. You are out. You are off the island. Yeah, it's just how we are. No explanation. No like get out of, like you're, no. And that is something that people talk to me the most about. Really? Is...

Especially cause a lot of my girlfriends have children that are young. Cause a lot of my friends are like in their early forties. It's pretty awesome. I used to be the youngest person in the crowd. Now I'm like. Times they have changed. Scales have tipped, but they say, I absolutely love the relationship that you have with your children. And I want that for me. And.

people come in on the podcast and say the same thing. The, it's, it's a, it's a very much, it's very much a conversation that happens a lot. And I didn't realize what an impact that has had on me until very, I would say the last six months. It was something, especially as you're raising your family.

you start to re -prioritize and it seems like it's a very, every year it's like an organic thing. It's not like we have one thing set. It's like, it's an organic flow that we all have. And I always say to the kids, like, we can't base, you can't base your brother or your sister on how they were when they were younger. Excuse me. You know, like you have to actually take the time and get to know them now. Yeah. Like we can't, I don't want anyone basing me on the Joanne at 30. No.

andrea (47:29.838)
I was, I'm gonna hijack for a moment. Yeah. I had a phone call with my uncle who lives down in Arizona and we were talking about things and I guess I was saying, yeah, like there's just like, you know, like there's a little bit of clutter here. I'm just like getting stuff, going through boxes and putting stuff away. And he's like, well, if I do recall when I came to visit and saw your room, back at your parents' house, there was hardly any floor space. And I'm like, Ken, I was 16. Yeah. I'm 42. Isn't that funny?

Everyone's like that. I am not who I was at 16. But he's still the same dude. Yeah. So I was like, hold on a second here. Like I'm an adult here. I'm not a teenager at my mom and dad's house. Like there's some boxes, like I need to put them away. Well yeah, you just cleaned out your storage. Like I just cleaned out my storage unit. I'm going through things. It's a work in progress right now.

We're making small steps every day unless the dogs suck me into cuddles, which is highly likely to do. But it's like, I'm doing the best that I can here. So don't you dare judge me of who I was and how I chose to set up my room when I was 16. I mean, like, I had pictures of probably like, radiohead Marilyn Manson and Hanson on my walls. Like, come on now. Don't you dare judge me. No, but I just find it very interesting, but lots of people...

especially family, holds, lives a lot in the past. I'll leave it there. It's like how it used to be. Right? Especially the good old days. Yeah. And whether they were good or, you know, or you're always like this, or they start to project how they saw you when you were younger. And it's just like, get over yourself. Like you're an adult now. Yeah.

You know, if you're living in my shadow, then that's up for you to renegotiate your relationship with yourself. Renegotiate your space. Yeah. Because I actually really like you and care about you. And if you're living in the past, then you're going to be there alone. Yeah. So coming back to the kids, it's like, I always say to them,

andrea (49:45.486)
You have to constantly go back with an open eye to your siblings and to me. Because it's like who I am now is not who I was 10 years ago.

Like as your mom. So that's what you mean is like an open eye. Like an open eye, like be present in the now for what's going on. Live in the now guys. I know it sounds so fucking lame, but it's true. Sound like Eckhart Tolle, I live in the now. The power of now. The power of now, but it's just like we're constantly living in the past or living in the future. It's like, I wasn't good enough, blah, blah, blah. And it's like, well, how can you be good enough in the future if you can't even like reconcile the past?

So it's just like, how are you right now? And I'll tell you one thing, it becomes really evident who's living in the now in your circle and who's living in the past. And the only way that you can change your immediate family is to do the work yourself and start to create your own boundaries on how you.

how you will allow people to treat you. And it usually starts with how you treat yourself. Like you can either stay in your victim mentality, people always treat me this, nobody ever takes me seriously. Well, because you don't take yourself seriously. So start with that. Because I'll tell you, as soon as you start taking yourself seriously, everybody falls into line pretty damn quick. It's just what happens. And be fearless in your self love.

Be fearless on how you treat yourself.

andrea (51:31.438)
You know, get the courage, create the discipline and do the work. Do the thing. Do the thing. Commit to the things. Yeah. And we all know what it is. Whether you want to, I don't know what to do. It's like take a moment. You probably do. Yeah. It's what wakes you up at three o 'clock in the morning. Start there. I can't sleep. So what were you thinking about? Yes. Start there so that you can actually sleep through the night. Yeah.

Write it all out. Because the more that you write it out, the more that you start to do it, the easier the racket becomes in your head. Well, what I used to do is I used to have horrendous trouble falling asleep at night and I used to keep a notebook beside my bed and I would write down like, like I'd be lying in bed trying to sleep. You're like, I have to get this for groceries or I need to make sure I text this person or I need to like, I don't know, pay my visa bill. And it...

And then I would fr, like I'd fall asleep eventually and then I forget everything. So I started like writing everything out. If I, if I thought about it, I'd just write it out, put the notebook away and then try to go to sleep. And then any thought I would have, I would write it down, put the notebook away and go back to sleep. And I did it for, this was a while ago. Like this was a number of years ago and it actually really helped me like get everything out. So I could actually sleep. And now I brag that I'm really good at falling asleep at night. It's not,

It's not usually that I will be kept up late at night. No. where, unless it's like the dog is snoring really loud. My neighbors upstairs are having like really loud, like gangbang sex or something like that. like that. Shout out to the neighbors. Shout out to my upstairs neighbors, everybody. I'd rather use the word gangbang. Well, they do make a lot of noise. They do make a lot of noise. Yeah.

yeah, so like for the most part now, like knock on wood, I don't have issues falling asleep and I can really like, right thing. It's writing things out. It's doing my pages in the morning. It's keeping clearing the clutter clutter. It's keeping lists. If I need to keep lists to make sure that I stay on target with like,

andrea (53:43.886)
my life and my house and like my bill payments and yeah, I need to get dog food because if I don't get dog food, the dogs aren't gonna eat and then like maybe someone's gonna eat one of my shoes because they're so hungry. It's like actions have consequences. So it's like, I need to, you get to know yourself. I get to know myself very well. I need to write things down so I remember things. Perfect. Right? So it's out of here. It's on the paper. I can get it done. Yeah. And I don't lose my sleep because women need more sleep than men. Yeah. I love sleeping.

Yeah, they need like, we need like seven to 10 hours. We're on the higher side where like men only need like seven to eight. And I want to say women need like, I want to say closer eight to nine at least. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I don't even, I can't function if I don't get enough sleep. I feel like a zombie. And that's another thing stopping drinking alcohol is my sleep has increased more soundly.

It's better sleep, better quality. You wake up feeling rested in the morning. Yeah, I'm not dehydrated. You don't have the pasties where you're... Yeah. Yeah. Because that would be a big thing. I'd wake up and I'd be dehydrated and I would be like... Yeah. So what I do at night is I say three things I'm grateful for through that day, minimum. And I just say it to myself in bed. And then it's usually like nine or 10.

Because I feel very grateful for a lot of things. And there's always like one in there for you. I'll stop. I'll stop. It's true. I'll stop. Thank you for Andrea for my tan lines.

Am I on Dan's grateful list too? Absolutely. Absolutely. Anyway, thank you so much. Yeah, it's been, this has been great. Thank you, Matt. Thank you, Matt. This was really great being back in the studio. Thank you, Todd. Thank you, Todd. Thank you, friend. Thank you, friend. Like, follow, subscribe, please openmydoor .com. And I think that's it. That's it. Okay. Love you. Love you. Bye. Bye.

andrea (56:01.262)
Woohoo!

good.