Please Open My Door
Ladies, You Are Not Alone!
Come eavesdrop over a cup of coffee and giggle away with us as we openly share about midlife awakenings, relationships, sex, dating, the joys of not drinking alcohol, and the importance of expanding our self-worth.
Join us for candid conversations, heartfelt stories, and empowering insights. Whether you're navigating the complexities of midlife, exploring new relationships, or redefining your sense of self, this podcast is your sanctuary.
Tune in for laughs, inspiration, and a sense of sisterhood that will make you feel right at home. Let's embark on this journey together—because midlife is just the beginning!
Please Open My Door
Your Parents Are Human Too
Today we're talking about the evolution of relationships and juggling new & old friendships from girlfriends to parents.
We're here for all of it, and we're excited you are too!
Disclaimer: We can't promise to stay on topic.
Links & Resources
FREE Self-Intimacy Workbook >>> Coming soon <<<<
Holly Jolly Run Toronto
The Artist's Way
Tower 28 Lipgloss (our favourite colour is XOXO)
Collagen Powder (This goes in our smoothies every morning)
Not Yr Girl (Juylia Rewa (Johanne's niece) clothing line)
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hey, what's up? Hey girl, hey, hey girl. Hey, how's it going? Oh well, I'll tell you. My phone just started seeing all these balloons floating up as I'm talking to you and I'm like oh, oh, I saw them too.
Speaker 2:Did you see the look on my face? I was like what is that?
Speaker 2:and then we're like countdown three, two, one, all of us and ready, and then balloons popped up and I know something shiny oh my gosh, wouldn't it be amazing if, when, any time you walked into a room, like balloons would just like, so you can make an entrance like, yeah, how amazing that would. Would be Like, how confident and just like in your power would you walk into a room when, like, there'd be balloons or something else, I don't know, like trumpets, blailing, blailing, blailing.
Speaker 1:Is that a word? Is that a word? Trumpets playing, maybe Blailing? Blailing.
Speaker 2:Can someone fact check the?
Speaker 3:thesaurus dictionary.
Speaker 2:Check with us is that a word do we lose? Will we lose scrabble points?
Speaker 1:so my family quite often does the the santa claus run in front of the toronto santa claus parade. Okay, it's like 5K. It's the end of November or beginning of November, whenever it is, and it's basically the route that Santa takes. Sorry, I'm just seeing this huge cobweb here.
Speaker 2:Let me just get that. Hold on, hold on. It's not like we're recording or anything.
Speaker 1:It's better than you saying, do I think there's something in your teeth? Anyway, it's called the Holly Jolly Run, it's 5k and it's the entire way of the Santa Claus parade, and so what happens is is that you go ahead of the parade and you, you know, you put your Christmas hat on and you can dress. You put your Christmas hat on, you can dress, all fun, and so what you would do is talk about gratification. Is that you're running on the streets of Ontario, like in Toronto, and people are trying to get good seats to see the Santa Claus parade. So, literally for five kilometers, everybody's just clapping. I love that.
Speaker 2:Moving on. Where's Santa? Let's go people.
Speaker 1:It is so gratifying because, number one, you don't want to look like you're dying because there's an audience, and number two is that it's very motivating.
Speaker 3:Well, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Anyway, for all you Torontonians that want to do a little pre-Santa highly gratifying run, holly jolly run.
Speaker 2:Do it? Did you ever dress up in costume?
Speaker 1:I would wear a Santa Claus hat.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Cassandra full on ugly sweater, sweater.
Speaker 2:I could see that, like she, she loves a good theme she and that's something that I love about her where she can just like jump right on into the she doesn't care like it's like I can't believe you're wearing that.
Speaker 1:she goes, isn't it awesome? And I'm like you know what you're, you're amazing she is very confident. Yes, she is, yeah, she's very confident Sandra's my firstborn. She's the mom of my grandchildren and she is one cool chick, the apple of your eye, yeah.
Speaker 2:One of the apples of your eye I have three apples Got three apples in your apple cart.
Speaker 1:But she's the one that made me a mom. She's my firstborn. I have to be honest, though, I think as each kid came along I think I got better at it, so she might've gotten the short end of the stick as far as my parenting capabilities.
Speaker 2:Well, I remember like I'm a young mom I was I'm the oldest out of me and my brother and I remember when he was a teenager and stuff that he would get away with.
Speaker 3:I remember looking at him and be like it's because of me, yeah, you were able to get away with this. It's because of me, yeah, um, you're able to stay out till 1130 and not, like, have any repercussions. It's because of me, so you should be thanking me every single day.
Speaker 1:You should be doing the dishes five days a week.
Speaker 3:You should be worshiping the ground that I walk on, because I paved the way for you.
Speaker 1:Isn't that so funny? Well, I'm a middle, so you're, but you're the oldest daughter. I'm the oldest daughter, yeah. And then there's only two of you. So, girl boy, your brother's the youngest. So I sit, I'm the middle and I'm the eldest female. Okay, so I feel like my sister got away with a lot too, Well, I mean, I tried a lot of different things.
Speaker 2:I'm sure you did.
Speaker 1:But I was a good girl. Like when I I hear the stories like I was a really good kid growing up. Yeah, you know like I had, I was a lot, I know that big personality. You just you know that's.
Speaker 1:I think I was born this way, as Lady Gaga would say this way and a lot of time growing up, I feel like I was always trying to be quieted down. It it's like, okay, joanne, calm down. Okay, joanne, don't be so emotional. Okay, joanne, don't be so happy. Okay, joanne, don't be so loud, because you can't have a personality, one that is full of energy, and not have the full spectrum of all the emotions. So I am fun and I'm I'm good hearted, but I'm also very sensitive, you know, and I'm a crier, I, I, I went to my niece's graduation yesterday and I was crying for a lot of the people that were walking across the stage. It's a big moment. It's a really big moment. Yeah, my niece graduated from TMU with a degree in chemistry and there's a lot of smart people out there department and I thought, oh, look at all these chairs these got.
Speaker 1:This has to be for the whole university, like it's graduation day. No, it was just the science department, like science and math and I. First of all, I was impressed that we were in the old Maple Leaf Gardens.
Speaker 2:I was impressed when you told me it was going to be there. I was like, wow, you know which is TMU?
Speaker 1:which is the old Ryerson University in Toronto. So we were in there, so that was really cool and.
Speaker 1:I. I was really surprised, in the best possible way, at how many women were walking across the stage, that you know math and chemistry and sciences and biology, and degrees and getting their masters, and I was just like this is an incredible multicultural, high feminine surge. And I was just I was choked up. You were riding that wave. I was really choked up, thinking good for them yeah, good for them, it was, I was and good for my niece I was Riva. I'm just like so proud of her.
Speaker 1:You know I texted her after and I just said this was such an emotional day. I'm so proud of you. You know you are, you are the future generation and you just, with honors like you, just are killing it. And so what's great is is that she has her degree in chemistry, which is highly employable to big pharma, obviously, and lots of things, but she has a clothing line and she's a clothing designer she's a multi-passionate person.
Speaker 1:She is incredible yeah she is incredible. She's a complete package. She really is. She is. I'm just like you know, covid happened and there was people that definitely uh dealt with COVID in one way, but she started sewing her own clothes through COVID, you know, and uh selling them online.
Speaker 2:So that's how she got into her brand. Yeah, I had no idea, not your girl.
Speaker 1:We'll put the link in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's brilliant, she's sewing. She's hired sewers now. Now she's taking it to the next level. She's got a team of really cool chicks that she's working with and she is going to be a canadian fashion icon mark my words.
Speaker 2:She's going to change the landscape of fashion here in canada. She has drive.
Speaker 1:So she was in school full-time through covid, like on zoom, because she was one of those you know, those kids that were in school doing the zoom thing. Um, her parents are in full set. We're in full separation mode, so life at home wasn't the most stable and she created this clothing line all through COVID. Wow, all of those three major things and it was, like you know, one of those things where it's like you could sit and get really caught up into this is too much. I'm exhausted. You know this isn't fair. Why is this all happening around? And she just dug in, dug in and clearly did well at school, being on the honor roll and, um, cultivated this incredible brand. I just, yeah, you're a proud aunt, I'm a proud aunt, you're a very proud aunt.
Speaker 1:I tell her all the time I said you know you're my favorite niece and she's like I'm your only niece, I go, still my favorite.
Speaker 2:That doesn't mean much, you could.
Speaker 1:You're my only niece and you could not be my favorite niece too, right, like, yeah, like honestly, she's just anyway you could tell a very proud moment to watch her walk that stage and I was just like they're like, could everyone just please, you know, hold back till everyone's crossed, unless you have a sudden burst of, you know, emotion. And then, of course, right, and then when she walked, I was just like, as you can imagine, losing it A sudden burst of emotion.
Speaker 2:You could say, yeah, I was just yeah, pretty cool.
Speaker 1:So yeah, it was great to be there with my sister and it was an incredible experience to watch Very proud moment.
Speaker 2:That's so great, so we'll leave all of her info for her clothing line in like in the description box, Um, so everybody else can like check out her clothes and uh support her Right.
Speaker 1:And just to quickly circle back there, what I thought was interesting is that she got her degree in chemistry and wants to follow her passion and her curiosity in fashion and design and she's sewing and it's just like the person that was speaking and giving them their what's it called when they talk and they, you know, basically inspire this future graduating class to oh, like, uh, what is? It. I wanted to call it a dictatorian, but it's like a convocation address or something like that it's exactly so.
Speaker 1:He was talking about staying creative and that the creatives change the world and keep curious and you know, don't follow the pack like, be fearless and and and follow your dreams and dream bigger than you can dream, because it's possible, because it happened for him. And she just who spoke.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what? I do have his name. I'll have to. We can put it down below, but he was incredible. I believe he has an apparel company that is interactive and he graduated from there. Okay, it's interactive, like for health reasons. Oh, that's what I think it was. Okay it was. It was like next level. I have to be honest like she was talking and I was in such awe what, yeah? That I was just like. People are so smart.
Speaker 2:I love that. Hey, people are just so smart. People are smart. This is great. I live in the best city in the world. This is amazing. It's true, these are all future. Future is great.
Speaker 1:I live in the best city in the world. This is amazing. It's true. These are all future, future. You know, whether they live here or not, they're getting educated here, and I mean, Toronto just has such a good university vibe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it does you know we're fortunate, we are very fortunate. Like you don't realize, like when you're in the environment, where you're living in the city all the time, it's easy to kind of like oh like, the subway system, the transit system sucks, traffic sucks, toronto's an hour away from toronto, sort of thing. But if you really like, if you really look at it, it's a pretty awesome city but doesn't that go with anything, though, andrea?
Speaker 1:it's like if people are complaining about Toronto, the TTC, the traffic, the people that were not social, I bet you you will find that they complain about everything, and they might not even say it out loud, but there's obviously a conversation that's going around, and they're because complainers are complainers. They always show.
Speaker 2:Well, it's like where you are in one area is where you are everywhere. Exactly Right. So if you're complaining about traffic, chances are you're complaining elsewhere too. Yeah right, like it's not just a distinct or like compartmentalized certain area, it's like everywhere it's everywhere yeah, yeah, it's like complaining.
Speaker 1:It's like complaining that you have no money in the bank but you're not doing anything to create opportunity to increase it. You're just dependent on.
Speaker 2:You know whatever it is that you're dependent on, you know whether it's yourself or circumstance, or you know like there's always room to do something more well, like I always thought, like if you're complaining about things, it's showing like passivity, it's not being an action towards anything, it's just saying like this is the way things are and I'm just gonna like bitch about it or complain about it or just not. I'm not looking for, I'm not looking for opportunities. I'm not looking, just not. I'm not looking for, I'm not looking for opportunities. I'm not looking for solutions. I'm not looking for any. I'm not.
Speaker 2:The only thing I'm looking for is someone to listen to me complain about it, and then and then, um, like, agree with me, so I feel seen and validated, and then I'll just continue on complaining to the next person and the next person, and the next person, and the next person, and actually that's why, um, I ended. I ended a couple of female friendships a while ago, like maybe like 10-ish years ago, because it felt like same shit different day. Yeah, like always not looking for solutions, just complaining about the same things, the same problems, the same issues. And I remember going out with these gals and I was, I think I was visiting, like I was visiting my parents in Toronto or something Like I was leaving from my parents' house to go out. I remember my mom saying, like are you excited to go go see? Like catch up, catch up and see these gals? And I'm like, honestly, mom, not really. She's like, oh well, why not? I'm like it feels like. It's like I know exactly where the conversation is going to go, I know what we're going to talk about, I know who's going to be talking about what, and it's like the same shit different day. And my mom's like, oh, you said shit, andrea. I'm like sorry, mom, it said shit because we didn't. We didn't swear, we didn't swear in our household at all. I heard my father swear once and he stepped in.
Speaker 2:This is a side story. He, we were leaving to go to drive down to Florida and I think I was in grade one, maybe grade three, I can't remember. We were driving down to Florida to visit my grandparents for Christmas break and we were leaving it like we were driving straight through, or straight through as you can with like two my me and my brother, in the car. This was back in the early nineties, so, honestly, we paid, played like car bingo, there was no iPads, there was nothing to distract, there was no video, nothing to distract the kids. So we left at the unlawful hour of like 5.30 in the morning. One beat traffic and two, hopefully me and my brother would fall asleep in the back of the car. Yeah, so my father could drive in peace and we had the car all packed and it was dark out because it was early and my dad stepped in dog poo and he looked at my mom and he's like and you didn't have a dog and we did not have a dog not
Speaker 2:your dog and he's like I just stepped in dog shit and me and my brother in the back seat were just like oh dad's dad's.
Speaker 3:He snapped me from.
Speaker 2:That's my wonderful side story. We didn't swear in our household.
Speaker 1:Yes, and your father's human too. Exactly, it's a weird time when you realize that your parents are just humans too, yeah, you know? Yeah, because for the longest time, I think we hold them in in this high regard or they're superhuman, yeah, and we realize they're just people too.
Speaker 2:They're just. They're human. They're figuring things out. They have their own issues and discrepancies and feelings and it's different from yours and they're just doing the best that they can with the information and the learning and the smarts that they have it's a different time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a different time. I mean, as much as things change, they stay the same oh yeah you know, what was interesting is that I find what really bugs me is women that complain about their partners.
Speaker 2:I can't stand that like complain about their partners, to friends, to anybody okay, like it's.
Speaker 1:Like, why are, why are you with them? Then, if you're complaining about them, yeah, like it's. You know, when you were talking about same girls, that you know some people that don't have a really good thing to say about their spouse or their partner, or you know they complain about them, and then all of a sudden, you know they'll show up, and then all of a sudden, everything's great in front of you, and I just find that so ridiculous.
Speaker 2:Well, it's plain. It's plain it's wearing one mask when you're with one people, with a certain group of people, and then, when your partner shows up, it's like you're wearing a different mask.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's not even like how. Why would you say something negative about your partner when they're the person you spend the most time with, like they're your chosen person? Yeah?
Speaker 2:You don't have to be with this person.
Speaker 1:If you don't like them, if you don't like their behavior like you don't.
Speaker 2:you can break up. Like you can cut them off.
Speaker 1:You can end things you can walk away Like do them a favor, if you're talking shit about them behind their back, talking smack, yeah, maybe you should take a moment and say you know what? I'm not being a very good person right now, but it's usually those people that would be shocked to find out that their husbands are talking shit about them too. I can't believe he said this to me. Like really.
Speaker 2:What Weren't you just saying the same thing about him like five minutes ago?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I remember coming home and I said to Dan I just have a really hard time with people complaining about their partners, and it's like you don't see them for like a long period of time. And then you get back together and then they're still in the same spot. They were eight months ago, yeah, complaining about the same thing. Yeah, like, why not have a discussion with the guy? Give him an opportunity to make a change if it's driving you this crazy? Yeah, like, why not have a discussion with with the guy? Give him an opportunity to make a change if it's driving you this crazy? Yeah, but like, how much? How much do you? How? How long do you have to?
Speaker 2:go through this. Like how long are you just going to grin and bear it? Yeah, like what's going to break here? Like what's, what's the sense that looks like the straw that breaks the camel's back? Yeah, like how long will this go on for? Until, like, you have an emotional breakdown, maybe a nervous breakdown, or like you say something that you can't take back exactly in anger and resentment in some sort of outburst, and you know?
Speaker 1:that happens oh, every single time right, but yeah but we don't just do that with our partners, we also do it with ourselves. Yeah, Like I don't know how many times I had internal conversations with myself about my food, my weight and how much alcohol I drank Like it took up a lot of real estate in my life for way too long. If I was to go back and tell my younger self something, I would have said stop drinking way before I did.
Speaker 2:Would your younger self listen to you though?
Speaker 1:Well, god, I would hope so. Well, I don't know. Know, that's a good question, I mean, for my game here I would. I would like to think so. I would like to think so too. But yeah, I mean, if you just say okay, then at least you know what you're dealing with, because if it's like you know what I actually need to stop drinking, you know I need a break. You know we would do these 30 day dries, but it wasn't enough to actually like realize the impact that alcohol was having on my mental health and in my body. Like I was so inflamed, my mom sent me a picture, a video, of my sister and I dancing in her kitchen. I didn't even recognize myself.
Speaker 2:Is that the one that you showed me? Yeah, yeah, you don't. You're like a totally different person.
Speaker 1:Like you don't, and I'm watching it. I'm watching this video and I really tried hard to like, look at it, like, oh, that's such a a great memory. It was so. It was so fun. We were being carefree and you know we'd had some drinks and you know we were dancing and singing to my mom's favorite songs, and it's something that we do as us girls in the family. We like to sing loudly, terribly with heart, with heart and dance.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's just what we do, and I love that, what it's so fun. So I looked at the video and I thought oh my god, joanne, what happened to you? Oh my God, Joanne, what happened to you? Because I was so inflamed. I mean the obvious was. I was probably at one of the heaviest points in my life. Like definitely, and it was tough to watch and it was interesting because I thought I looked great. And I did look great, you know, for the time.
Speaker 1:But looking back, all I could see was I love to have a good time, I just have a good time differently, but it was the impact on my body that I could see, like you know, just that extra weight holding it, and it was 2019. Yeah, it wasn't that long ago, five years ago. I probably look 10 years older in that video.
Speaker 2:You looked more like a mom sort of like a quintessential, like a quintessential sort of like mom sort of vibe.
Speaker 1:What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2:I know what you mean by that. Like I know what you mean about like you look like a quintessential mom, like so what someone maybe like a stereotypical mom might look like at that. So that was five years ago, in your early 50s. Okay, you don't look like that anymore. Crazy, right. And it's crazy that like you were able to get this such big of a transformation in only five years.
Speaker 2:Well, I would say in the last two years that things just kind of like snowballed and sped up, and sped up, and sped up for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. And then I started I did the artist way, like I said, and then it was just a lot of soul searching and then through that, it's funny how you just change one habit of the journaling and reading and I was journaling every day and, like I said time and time again on this podcast, that kept coming up for me was drinking alcohol that kept coming up for me was drinking alcohol and what I'm clear about now it was the hold that it had on me.
Speaker 1:That is more that I wrote about that. It's like why is it that I say I'm going to go out and have one drink? And then I'm.
Speaker 1:Why can't I just have one drink? Sometimes I could, but a lot of times I couldn't. I would be like have three and so it was just like why? What was it about it that kept drawing me back? In where one would not be enough yeah, or it would be, like you know, going out for dinner without a bottle of wine. Why was it about the bottle of wine and not the dinner.
Speaker 1:Because I still go out and I still think, oh God, you know, this would be a time that we would have a bottle of wine because we're out for a beautiful meal. So it it's like you can make a thousand great decisions, but it's that one decision where, when you don't have your healthy habits in line, that will lure you back in, because self control only takes you so far yeah, it's like self-control and discipline only takes you so far.
Speaker 2:It's like willpower is gonna falter, discipline is gonna falter. So it's like willpower is going to falter, discipline is going to falter. So it's like you have to get really clear on your why and like really like, yeah, like, integrate that into your body, into your like nervous system, into your brain, into like everything that you do, like when it's it's easy, when it's easy. But when you're, when you're out for dinner and someone ordered a bottle of wine for the table and you're choosing not to drink alcohol and they say, hey, do you want a glass? Well, it's not going to be that easy. So it's like you got to hone back into your intrinsic motivator. It's like I say no to alcohol because I say yes to myself, exactly, and I love how I feel right now and I want to hold on to this feeling for as long as I can.
Speaker 1:Well, it's the same thing where it's like oh, I think I'm going to come off some of my supplements. I'm feeling really good. I'm going to come off some of my supplements because I don't think I need them, but you feel pretty good because you're doing this. I know supplements and alcohol are very far apart, but it creeps up in lots of places like that. Yeah, it's, it just is it's the addiction. And then you get yourself past the addiction physically, and then it's a mind game, it's the habit.
Speaker 2:It's the habit, it's the ritual, right, and yeah. So it's like once you get past or get over the habit, or you break that habit, you replace that habit with something else, you crowd it out with something else, right, having a delicious mocktail, having a sparkling water with a slice of lemon, um, choosing to have a cup of tea or coffee at the end of your meal as opposed to a liqueur, or you just start to crowd it out with something else.
Speaker 1:Yes, and that's so important. But at the same time, your why has to be right there? Oh yeah, like I, my life is better. I live my life better not drinking alcohol. It didn't mean I didn't have a great life with alcohol. My life is exponentially better without it Hands down. So when you're navigating, you know when you're at 90% feeling great it's, you're able to maintain that 10% of like that would be good right now. Right, that trigger. I want that.
Speaker 2:Oh, there it is.
Speaker 1:There I am.
Speaker 2:Oh, hey, hey there.
Speaker 1:And you become more compassionate towards yourself when you realize that the discipline and the mindset and your why has to be so secure, because we're so fragile. That's why we did the self intimacy workshop. We're so fragile, mm-hmm, and I say that it's really really, really important to care for yourself in a way that the most excellent lover would.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, you are your own best lover. Yes, you are. You are your own person, your own best partner. It comes back to you and how you treat yourself, and how you view yourself, and how you hold yourself dear, or in what sort of regard People only treat you the way that you treat yourself. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because you're not going to allow anyone to treat you terribly when you treat yourself. Yeah, because you're not going to allow anyone to treat you terribly when you treat yourself with kindness. Yeah, you know, and it was truly through my practice of self intimacy being kind to myself and learning about myself and taking the alcohol noise out of it that I was able to, like, transform myself intentionally.
Speaker 1:It's a. It's a by-product of feeling good excess weight. Dropping off my arthritis and my bones is easier because my diet is better. Bones is easier because my diet is better. I'm moving according to my season. You know I'm moving to how I feel. Good, you know my younger self would have been like. You know, like I would want to be running and I would. And that is the benefit of taking care of yourself journaling regularly.
Speaker 1:I've been able to create an incredible relationship with 56-year-old Joanne. I love that, and what I would say to Joanne in 2019 and in 2009 is no one's coming to save you except for you, and your wellness and your health is the most important thing. If your partner doesn't understand or support self-care and self-intimacy and taking care of yourself, they need a healthy dose of that themselves, because nobody that is feeling good about themselves is going to put down the person that they love or make you feel bad for self-care. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Because they're doing it too.
Speaker 2:Everybody's on the same bus, exactly. It's like we have the same goal here, like we, yeah, like it's like, yeah, it doesn't make sense.
Speaker 1:It doesn't make sense. You know, and I had this client, you know I was working with this client and you know she was talking about how she, her body, is causing all these issues inside herself, like her eczema is really bad and she's got stomach issues and she's just can't seem the doctors can't seem to put their thumb on it. And and I said to her, it's because you're not listening to your body, you're too busy trying to control everything, you're not listening to your children, you're not listening to your children, you're not listening to your husband, you're not listening to yourself and you're sure as hell aren't listening to your body because your body is inflamed. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So you know we are wherever we go. Yeah, so when you're not listening to one person, you're. You're not listening to a lot of things.
Speaker 3:Yeah you're.
Speaker 1:You're not listening to a lot of things, yeah, so it's just like slowing down enough to say, hey, how am I feeling right now?
Speaker 2:checking it's not a sign of weakness.
Speaker 1:It's a sign of checking in, knowing oneself, because the only way that you can be supportive and understanding to yourself is to care for yourself. And when you care for yourself and I hate this term, like fill your cup up, like fill your cup up so gross, but it's true Because when you have that ability to really care for yourself, it shows. It shows to you and it shows to everyone that's around you. Yeah, and initially, when you're changing, you start to choose yourself. There's pushback, oh yeah, from people around you. And, like I said to you time and time again, if you're not getting any pushback from anyone, even yourself, you're not doing it right Like you're not doing it right, like you're not doing it enough, like you have to push it so it gets uncomfortable yeah and in that comfort, uncomfortableness, you stay.
Speaker 1:You stay with yourself, you stay with your thought process, you stay with choosing yourself, over and over and over again. And it's just like another muscle. It becomes easier and you can see when someone is at ease with themselves. You know it's like.
Speaker 1:It's like I always say if you're going to wear that dress, wear it, but if you're going to wear it and you're going to fidget and you're going to be uncomfortable or you can't walk in your shoes, then go take it off right now. Yeah, but if you choose to wear that thing, you claim it and you wear that dress, you runway. Walk the shit out of that, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's like you don't let the clothes wear you. You don't let the clothes wear you. You don't let the hairstyle wear you. You don't let the shoes wear you. You wear the clothes, you wear the shoes, you wear the hairstyle. You own that. Yes, because everything is just an accessory to who you are your essence, your vitality, your personality, whatever it is that you bring your personality whatever it is that you bring everything else is just an accessory right.
Speaker 1:So when you're trying to um access that for yourself, that, uh, je ne sais quoi, that magic, andrea dust mm-hmm what do you do like? Is there, is there? Is there a song? Is there an outfit? Is there a ritual that you do, that you can like, like zone into your body and say I'm here, I've arrived.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, I spend a lot of time in my head. I, I'm an air, I do. I'm I'm a lot of time in my head.
Speaker 2:I'm an air sign, you do, I do. I'm a thinker Over here. I'm an air sign with an air moon. So I am out here a lot, I'm in my head a lot. So for me, anything that I can do that's tactile, where I can land back in my body, is what I do. So like having a shower, washing my hair, feeling the water like coming down on me and feeling that when I had my house, I'd be, I'd ground every day, I'd walk barefoot in my backyard being mindful of dog poo, of course every single day. To to ground myself, um, belly breathing, lying on the floor prone and um, either having like one of those small like Pilates balls, like at your abdomen, like in your low belly, and breathing into that, or breathing into the floor and like, if all else fails, I will also self-pleasure because that definitely lands me in my body. Yeah, and that was my self-pleasure, was my access point, that was my gateway.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2:And then it's like everything else has kind of just come through trial and error and just noticing where I go when I do those things and how it lands in my body, and it's like, okay, I'm here now, I'm not out here, I'm not up in here. I'm actually right out here, I'm not up in here, I'm actually right here. Okay, I'm present, I'm here, I'm grounded, I feel my sit bones, I feel my feet, I feel my pussy. Okay, cause it's like I can get, I can get really worked up. And as I get worked up, it's like the shoulders go up, your jaw starts to get tensed out Like you're like this. And you're like go up, your jaw starts to get tensed out Like you're like this and you're like how are you doing over there?
Speaker 2:Oh.
Speaker 2:Hey, oh, oh, oh, oh. Why am I getting a tension headache all of a sudden? Oh, hey, now, right, I'll notice that. Um, so it's just time and time again it's checking back in to make sure I'm just here, and it's knowing if I need to take myself on a timeout, like, okay, andrea, you're getting worked up, you're not here Like, you're up in here, so let's get you back here. So let's take 10 minutes, let's meditate, let's go for a walk, let's go take ourselves to the bedroom for 10 minutes and squeak one out.
Speaker 2:As you say, right, right. It's like, ok, let's, let's, let's get back here. So it's starting to, it's getting to know myself really well where. It's like, ok, I need to take, I need to take five, I need to take 10. And then it's also not not making it mean anything Like not knowing what I need, being confident in knowing what I need right now to ground and to land back here, that I take those 10 minutes and not be scared that someone's going to think less of me because I need to take those 10 minutes. Or I think less of me because I need to take those 10 minutes because we are our own worst bully as well. It's like, oh, come on.
Speaker 2:Andrea, you should be able to plow through this without taking a 10 minute breather. You should be able to do this. And I said well, no, I can't, and I'm going to give myself some love and compassion and grace here and take, give myself 10 minutes, because it's not a sign of weakness, it's not. It's not. It's not about bullying yourself through, it's not. It's not about doing that. No pain, no gain.
Speaker 3:I hate that.
Speaker 2:Like you have to just go on, feel like, and it's like no, no, no, let's. And even with um, we, even with how we move our bodies now and our the workouts that we do, it's being compassionate, it's being gentle with yourself and like I had, I had a really bad headache two days ago, three days ago, yeah, and it was bad, like I was like okay, this is turning into a migraine, like my eyes are watering, my vision's going. This is not cool. So I went home, I had some electrolytes, I took an Advil, I rested, I slept, I had an ice pack on my head, I took another Advil and the next day I woke up and I started.
Speaker 2:I was feeling better, but I could still feel like a little, there's a little something, something there. So I took another Advil and I told you I was like okay, I'm going to try to go to class. And you're like are you sure? Like you have to do what's best for you, and I'm like I think movement might be really good, but I'm going to, I'm going to go, and if I need to leave, I'm going to leave. I'm not going, I'm going to, I'm going to, I love the class that you picked.
Speaker 1:It was like bar strength, where it's literally like, where you're just like it was exhausting. You're like this. I'm like clearly the Advil's kicked in.
Speaker 2:I know the Advil definitely kicked in and it felt really good to move my body. It felt really good to move my body too, but it's like in the past. Like in the past I probably would have like I probably would have done that and then done like come home and like cycled on the Peloton or done something else and like really pushed it and then also felt guilty about it.
Speaker 2:Like felt guilty, like I should have been doing more to make up for the day that I had to take off from working out. I should be doing more, more, more stuff, harder stuff. I need to push the cardio more, and I'm not in that headspace where it's like, sure, I want to do cardio, but I also want to. I'm living in my body for the rest of my life and I'm playing the long game here, too. Where I want to'm living in my body for the rest of my life and I'm playing the long game here, too.
Speaker 1:where I want to, like, this is my house for the rest of my life yeah and um, well, it helps that your best friend is like 56 and I'm always talking about we're in it for the long game.
Speaker 2:We're in it for the long game, yeah, it's true, though, but it's like, and I always remember, do you remember, do you remember they? Someone used to say, and I can't remember who it was but it was like who's they?
Speaker 2:it was like I remember hearing this a lot, where it's like if your body's like, if you had one car for your whole life, you would fill it up with the best gas you would like. Yeah, like oil changed every 5,000 kilometers. No, no questions asked. So why, why don't you do the same for your body? Because your body's like this is it for your for this lifetime. This is your car Like this is your house. So why are you? Why are you choosing to so? Why are you? Why are you choosing to not listen to your body? Why are you choosing to not um feed it optimal, optimally, or nourish it in the way that it needs to be nourished? And I remember when I heard I was like oh, yeah, yeah, whatever, whatever, yeah, but it's the difference between listening at with 25 year old ears and 42 year old ears, with 25-year-old ears.
Speaker 1:And 42-year-old ears. It's very different, I agree. I agree, but I also feel like this new generation. They're taking better care of themselves.
Speaker 1:You know, like before, we would have like kids' friends over and you know, all of them would be outside smoking. And it was like a couple years ago we had a party for a friend and his wife was turning 30 and nobody smoked cigarettes. The only two people that smoked cigarettes were the uncle and the aunt of them right. And then lately, more and more people that I've been running into, young people like in their early 20s, are not drinking alcohol. Times are changing, it's changing. You know Toronto has its very first sober bar.
Speaker 1:I saw that, yes, so I will say for me that the biggest opportunity for that like self-sabotaging remember you were talking about it Like I'm not, like go easy, you know, you don't have to be so busy Not drinking alcohol gave me my sanity back. It literally took should out of my vocabulary. I love that Because it's a depressant and I didn't realize, like not even drinking all the time, but it being a constant cycle in my body that I didn't realize how messed up I got, I didn't realize how hard it was, until after that's the shocking part Once you just adjust and this is the normal.
Speaker 2:Well, that's how it is, and it's like. This is how my body's supposed to feel.
Speaker 1:And this is how I feel like I was in a perpetual state of dehydration, yeah, and anxiety, and I was a really happy person. I made it work for me so well I did, and it's so, but you just don't realize, and that's why it's like don't take yourself out of change, because it's hard, yeah, because you don't know what's on the other side for you.
Speaker 3:You have absolutely no idea.
Speaker 1:So why not get curious about it?
Speaker 3:So dig in Exactly Right. Keep going, don't stop.
Speaker 1:Believe in.
Speaker 2:I was going to start singing another song and then I realized I was like I was going to sing that song, but then another song came up and then we started singing this song and I'm like I don't know, I'm just going to shoulder shimmy over here.
Speaker 1:So, but yeah, that's the, that's the gift, yeah, so my question is what have you done lately from our intimate workbook? What have you done lately to deepen your workbook? What have you done lately to deepen your connection with yourself? Andrea aimer microphone. Let me just reread it to you so you have it fresh. Okay, what have you done lately to deepen your connection with yourself, like something new? I know that's how I answered it, so I'm like is it something that? What do you mean? Like, what have you done late? What have you done? What have you done for me? Yeah, yeah, well, like I would say, something new that you maybe realize that you didn't need, and it can be something old, I mean, I don't really care. Just tell the truth, you tell the truth, that's all that matters.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, that's all that matters, okay.
Speaker 1:Can we just? This lip gloss is so good, the tower 28.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Monica gave us, gave us amazing um, it was an amazing find. I've gone back and bought more. This is still my og what. I used it so much I ran out, so I had to buy more. It is a very reasonably priced lip gloss as well, let me tell you that's why I like it. I'm procrastinating it's like 20 bucks, 20, 22 dollars. It's no like shoppers. Drug Mart finds like cover girl 799, but for Sephora it's no vanilla lip chop.
Speaker 1:What have you done lately to deepen your connection with yourself?
Speaker 2:so what I have started to do is that in the mornings, when I have my coffee, I have like I wake up and I have my water and my supplements, go to the bathroom. I've actually started to take my coffee in my black chair over yonder and I open up the blinds and I sit and I have my coffee and I kind of not really meditate but not really focus in on anything either, like I try to stay off my phone during this time too, where I just allow myself to just sit and have my coffee and have it in one of my teacups and just kind of like sit and land and like look outside because there are trees coming up, and just kind of like be here not thinking about okay, I have exactly 10 minutes to do this before I have to take the dogs out and start getting ready and like and then the day starts.
Speaker 2:But it's, it's a moment of repose in the mornings where I can actually just land before the day starts.
Speaker 1:And so, doing that, what have you noticed?
Speaker 2:that I am more present during my day. Okay, I notice that I am not like. Sometimes I can get like you know, like one of those spinning tops and I can work myself up. You've probably seen it Like I'll go up here and I'll spin and spin, I'll get myself worked up over something. You, yeah, can you believe it? What?
Speaker 3:Get worked up, jeez.
Speaker 2:But it's all internal. I know You've seen it. It's all internal. It's literally your eyes go. You can see it like the top spinning, the top spinning, the top spinning. I'm like where and it's not to say that it doesn't like it does, I don't. It's not to say that, like that doesn't happen anymore, because I sit and I have my coffee and I stare up into space and take it might be the college you've been taking you know what it?
Speaker 2:has to be the college. It must be the smoothies. It has to be, it has to be. We have. It must be the smoothies. It has to be, it has to be.
Speaker 1:We have to talk about those.
Speaker 2:We do need to talk about that too. Yeah, um, where it's like it's just a moment and honestly I think it's like five minutes, like I don't time it, I don't time it. I just sit and I have my coffee and I just and the dogs are still sleeping, they're snoring away, um, there are no workers outside saying hi to me because I live by the train tracks. It's just, it's a moment to just kind of not plan, not think about anything, just enjoy my beverage and then that's my first coffee. I only have two coffees in the morning. That's my first coffee of the day, amazing. And then, and then when I make my second coffee, that's the like. Okay, let's start to like get the energy moving around here. Let's start to get the day. Let's start to get the bring the energy up, that sort of thing. So that's something that I've recently started doing, like, we'll say, in the last week or so, started doing like, we'll say, in the last week or so, like being really intentional about it too um that's great.
Speaker 2:That's really helped me kind of like land in myself and feel like, okay, how am I feeling body, how are you feeling today? Yeah, and then it's like pausing and listening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, right so that's where I got. That's. That's where I got really clear yesterday, the day before, where it's like, okay, like my headaches gone, my body doesn't feel creaky, cracky, like I can look outside and my eyes aren't sensitive, but like there's a little something like the back of my skull, like there's a little something Okay. So let's like, let's, let's take an Advilil, have some more water and go from there right and then, keep moving forward yeah, and there's a big difference between.
Speaker 1:I think that you know a lot of people are like well, I'm afraid to check in so much because I don't want to get like become like a hypochondriac. There's always that person that is like oh my god, I don't feel good, oh it's my stomach, or there's always something wrong. And then you know, my answer to that is is by the very fact that you're talking about it means you're not that person. It's like saying am I a good mother? If you're asking that you're probably a good mother. Yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 2:Like if it's on your radar, if the thought process is there come on. Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. So, Joanne, I will pose this question right back to you what have you done for yourself lately to deepen your connection with yourself?
Speaker 1:this is hard for me. What have you done for you little? I will say that I have been playing with oh I don't know how to say it Energy. So I I call them peaks and valleys. So when I'm in a peak feeling and I'm feeling really good over the last, I would say I've been doing this for like a few weeks. Okay, when I'm feeling really good and accomplished like I'm, I feel like I'm clear-headed and like things are moving in the right direction. I'm consciously staying, trying to keep myself to Mm-hmm In that, in that frame of mind of keeping my vibration high, because I've noticed that when I get my vibration really high and I'm feeling really good and it's like things are really moving and I'm, you know, writing and I'm creative and we're doing stuff for work, and I feel like I'm in my I'm in my, I'm in my groove and things are going so well.
Speaker 2:You're in the zone. You're in the zone, you're working it.
Speaker 1:It's like and then all of a sudden I will, I will think of something that doesn't make me feel good, or something that I didn't do properly, or oh shit, I meant to call that person, I didn't do properly. Or oh shit, I meant to call that person, I didn't call them. And then it's like I can take myself out of that.
Speaker 1:creative like high vibration and then I can take myself out and start to think about things that I need to do or pull myself down, things that I need to do or pull myself down. So I'm I'm working really hard at when something comes in that is taking me out of that flow, that I just write it down and I don't make it mean anything. I don't go there and spend time like, oh, I'm hungry, maybe I'll take a break.
Speaker 1:Go there and spend time like, oh, I'm hungry, maybe I'll take a break, and then you're like busy feeling great and then, all of a sudden you're in the fridge staring, you know mindlessly, or I think of something that takes me out of my power. That's all I can, the way I can think, to get my words wrapped around it, or my creative juice, and then I I'm just trying to stay in that flow longer and longer and longer, and even when I can tell that it's stuck, starting to wean off, I'm like stay for one more minute. It's like what can I do right now to stay here?
Speaker 1:And so then it's like I'll start to go back into like feelings or what I was thinking about, or when things were really flowing, that I'll try to stay for at least another 60 seconds, and then I realized I can't do it anymore. And then I'm out and I'm trying to stay in that powerful place longer.
Speaker 2:That's great that you're acknowledging it and then choosing to be like, okay, okay, like I'm starting to go. What would happen if I stay 30 seconds longer, like 60 seconds longer?
Speaker 3:and then like stay those 60. What's happening?
Speaker 2:with ku over there. I have no idea who. Come here. Do you want a hot dog? Come here, hot dog? I don't know. I'm like I'm trying to like focus in on what you're saying and then the dog is like barking like bananas at the door and I'm like I, I can't. I don't know. I'm like I'm trying to like focus in on what you're saying and then the dog is like barking like bananas at the door and I'm like I can't. I don't know, maybe like a dog's walking in the hallway. I have no idea, but she was going bananas. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:I'm like I love that you weren't saying anything and I'm like, okay, we got to break this.
Speaker 2:I'm like I'm want to focus in on what you're saying. I don't want to get distracted, Because it's like once I turn and see what the dog's doing, like my attention's over there and I don't want to go over there. I want to stay here with you.
Speaker 1:So I'm like okay, okay, yeah. So that's what I'm working on right now to deepen my connection with myself, because I find that when and it doesn't happen, it always happens at some point.
Speaker 1:but I'm trying to stay in my creative flow process longer and so it's a muscle, so I'm just extending it and it's going pretty good, like I'm starting to realize when I slip out and I realize that I'll think of things that, like when I start to like oh something shiny, or we always joke like squirrel, it's actually taking me out of my like, out of my own self, right. Like when I say, when I takes me out of my power, it means I'm losing focus and I'm losing the energy that I have for what I'm doing. So when I'm in full energy and I'm very focused on what I'm doing and it feels good and things are starting to move energetically through me, it's I'm working really hard at staying committed to staying there longer every time, and that's where I write from. That's where I believe I deepen my connection with myself. My self-belief deepens. It's staying from a place of feeling good.
Speaker 3:Not taking yourself out Not taking, yourself out Not taking myself out.
Speaker 2:I love that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that can show up like, and that can show up like in all kinds of places, like a lot of clients will say that and I mean I've experienced that myself. It's like just, you know, when you're intimate with your partner or you're self-pleasuring and you're there, and then you know you're on your way, you're on your way to the big orgasm and you're feeling good, and then all of a sudden you think of something else, like oh, did I turn off the light, or is the dishwasher on, or, or you know, I didn't do this again, I didn't call this person did I lock the front door?
Speaker 1:yeah, like it takes you out of where you are. Yeah, and that's another example where women do that all the time. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, it's like. So how can you stay in your power, stay in that orgasmic energy, stay in your creative flow, stay in that longer? Yeah, because you deserve that feeling, you deserve the creative flow, you the the feel-good factor from an orgasmic energy. We deserve all of it. So how can we stay there longer? Yeah, because when I stay in that place and I try to go there multiple times a day, when I stay in that place, that's a hot brag right there. Yes, it is. When I stay in that place multiple times a day, I function better in in Joanne's world. But if I get caught up into the Marty drum of, like, all the things that I need to do and I haven't done or I could have done better, it doesn't mean I don't self reflect. It doesn't mean that I don't go in and take constructive feedback, both mine and from my husband and my family and you. It doesn't mean I take it all very seriously. It's just that there's a time and place to do that. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And when you're feeling in that powerful place, that is not the time to do it. It's harnessing that and that feel good that keeps your baseline raising up so that you function. You're more highly functional. Yes, anyway, I love that. Thank you for sharing. Oh, I hope I said it right you said it perfectly you did, according to chuan, according to you. This is your experience, this is what you're working on.
Speaker 2:I think you said it absolutely perfectly. Thanks, right, fred, because it made sense to me Okay, good yeah.
Speaker 1:So we are going to offer this self-intimacy workbook. So, if you like, subscribe, download our channel. You'll have access to the intimacy workbook sure how about let's?
Speaker 2:let's do this. We're gonna have a landing page in the description. You enter in your email address and we will send you the intimacy book. Let's make it really easy, okay can you, can you? Say that again. So everybody, one like this to subscribe three, rate us five stars obviously.
Speaker 2:And then there's going to be a landing page. Maybe I'll put. Maybe I'll put it on the screen here on the video. If you're listening to our audio podcast, you'll be in the description and there'll be a direct link there that you can click. On entering your email address, you will be subscribed to our newsletter. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, which is going to be awesome sauce, and yes, I am bringing back the languaging of awesome sauce because what's old is new again. So I have heard Y2K fashion coming back.
Speaker 2:I don't really know how I feel about that, I feel about that yet I'm still on the fence and then we will, we will send it out to you and it's really, it's really a lot of like deep work, really important intentional work, and it's getting to know yourself on such a deeper plane that it has the potential like when you do this work, it has the potential to change every area of your life. Absolutely speaking from experience over here. Yeah, as do you.
Speaker 1:As do you, yeah, yeah so it's really important when we want to create change in our life, that we hang out and we listen and we connect with women that are like us, yeah, that are on the same path, yeah so values are the same. Yeah right, there's a lot there's, there's alignment. Yeah, right. Well, I'm excited for everybody to get this intimacy workbook. Yeah, it's pretty phenomenal.
Speaker 2:It's pretty great. It's really good work Turning on your internal light.
Speaker 1:Pleaseopenmydoorcom. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay. So yeah, go to the website. There'll be a link in the description and we'd love for you to check it out.
Speaker 3:yes, thank you and thank you. Thank you, friend, love you, love you, love you.
